Notes #1: A girl that I used to see has a new boyfriend that I recently saw
at the grocery store. I was buying some radishes and he remarked, "That's a
lot of radishes." I couldn't think of what to say, so I tilted my head to the left
and answered "That's a rot of ladishes." Score one for Derek, I reckon!

Notes #1: Shannon came over last night and said that people shouldn't be able
to get married twice until everybody of adult age has been married once. "Did you
think of that just now?" I asked. She said yes and then we laughed.

Beyonce Coat Rack
Seattle WA 2014 | 24"x24" | LATEX ON WOOD | $140 BUY HERE (shipping included)

"While I'm not usually wild about painting contemporary A-list celebs,
I have noticed a lot of my friends referring to Beyoncé as 'everything,'
which I reckon includes coat racks, so I made this one that you can
buy for $140, which includes shipping anywhere in the USA."

Cake Night, Seattle WA 2014 (Click for audio)

Excellent painter Emily Yun came over and we made a cake and ate it
and then gave the rest away to people on the street and everybody was
more than happy. We also saw a goose in the front seat of a car, and
some nearby drunk guys fell into a sewer hole, it was really something.

Christina's Urban World, Seattle WA 2014

The area near my work is populated with middle of the day drug users,
this guy was frantically searching on the ground for something. After
taking his picture I gave him an apple that he didn't want but kept anyway.

Condoleeza Slice, Seattle WA 2014

I was talking to my friend earlier on the phone about how the
internet is dumb and it's all pizza pun jokes and politics and
then we tried to come up with the dumbest thing possible and
then we came up with this and decided that it was the dumb-
est thing possible and not even funny.

I'm So Happy, Crying all of the Time
Seattle WA 2014 | 18"x18" | LATEX ON WOOD | $100 BUY HERE (shipping included)

It has been such a weird day week month year but I am doing much
better and I hope everybody is doing much better as well.

Demi Moore's Hair in Ghost, Seattle WA 2014

Earlier today US Weekly asked me to illustrate a great moment in
American cinema and gave examples like the end of Gone With the Wind
or the bicycle chase scene at the end of E.T. so I sent them this and they
haven't responded, sorry also for this terrible sentence that you just read.

Elvia & I
Seattle WA 2014 | 18"x18" | LATEX ON WOOD | $80 BUY HERE (shipping included)

"Don't pull any of that weird guy shit. I'm your friend." - Elvia, 2014

Four Lion Out Crowd
Seattle WA 2014 | 18"x18" | LATEX ON WOOD | $100 BUY HERE (shipping included)

"It took me a minute, then I laffed" - Grey Dragon, 2014

Give Me It
Seattle WA 2014 | 18"x18" | LATEX ON WOOD | $100 BUY HERE (shipping included)

Hate the rat race? You're probably racist!

Kannedy for Candydate #2
Seattle WA 2014 | 18"x24" | LATEX ON WOOD | $100 BUY HERE (shipping included)

(Keith: i can't wait for 3d printing to evolve to skin cells
so people can get sweet "3d tats" Derek: oh man, i didn't
even think of that. i want a tattoo of me under me, so i
can ride around on my shoulders. Keith: how you gonna #2?
#2 all over yourself Derek: i'll be #2ing on my tattoo.
Keith: all over it maybe you can work it out so that you
can #2 on your tat, but than it'll come out the tats butt.
Derek: oh, like a human centipede tattoo kind of thing.
WAIT can i get JFK tattooed under me? i want to ride around
and #2 on him. Keith: i cant dignify that with a response.
why cant you poop on nixon? Derek: i don't know why i'd
prefer to #2 on jfk.)

Learn Your Lessons Well, Seattle WA 2014

"Oh, you're so good at hot cross chopsticks, try it like this." - Joshua H, 2014

Marching Marching Marching
Seattle WA 2014 | 18"x18" | LATEX ON WOOD | $100 BUY HERE (shipping included)

I'm having an art show in Reno NV on September 22nd called
I Don't Carrot at the Holland Project and this painting will be
there along with some others but I won't be so don't bring me anything.

Poll Your Peers, Seattle WA 2014

Danger: Obama Bin Hitler, Seattle WA 2014

Rabbit World, Westport WA 2014

"I went back to the ocean at Westport on Sunday and there was a sign
that said "RABBITS TO PET" so I followed the sign and there was an older
lady in a yard surrounded by rabbits and she waved us over and said
"COME ON AND PET THEM" so we did." (09/07/2014)

Renee I Want My EBT Card Bitch, Seattle WA 2014

Seaside Battleship Sandwich Shop, Seattle WA 2014

I loved this day though Meghan's sandwich was subpar
because they forgot the tomatoes or onions or both or

Misfits Jacket
Seattle WA 2014 | Size M/L| LATEX ON LEATHER | $200 BUY HERE (shipping included)

Have you ever wanted to relive the 1980s with a cool
(but also warm) punker jacket? Well, here's your chance, maniac.

Polka Dot Sinking Bear
Seattle WA 2014 | 18"x18" | LATEX ON WOOD | $100 BUY HERE (shipping included)

Sleep Street, Seattle WA 2014

You Deserved It
Seattle WA 2014 | 18"x18" | LATEX ON WOOD | $100 BUY HERE (shipping included)

"Therefore, since the world has still; Much good, but much less good than ill;
And while the sun and moon endure; Luck’s a chance, but trouble’s sure;
I’d face it as a wise man would; And train for ill and not for good."
- A.E. Houseman Terence, This is Stupid Stuff