Last year around this time, my friend & neighbor Kori was carjacked by some creep with a gun. He took her shiny siver Honda and drove it around while listening to WGCI and rolling blunts. On December 1st Kori's car was smashed by some drunken guy in a mini-van with handicapped license plate 916 216, who then drove away. I should know, I saw the whole thing happen.

Funny thing about all of this is that it's Kori's birthday next week. She's pretty bummed by the whole situation and could use some of your help IN THE FORM OF BIRTHDAY GIFTS. Simply bring these items to the party on the 10th or send them to my address. Oh, thanks!

any kind of gift certificate (esp. grocery and bookstore)
tights (size med)
reflectors for her bike
a travel book about mexico
phone cards
earrings
ai yamaguchi t-shirts at www.giantrobot.com
a new car.

What I thought was best about the whole situation is when the police officer told me that finding the guy was like finding a needle in a haystack. Let that be advice to you: the next time you're driving and you smash into something while drunk, do your best to drive away. Apparently you can even report your car stolen up to a week after it happened!

Kind words in the form of email can be sent here.