Just because it's Father's Day doesn't mean every dad deserves a tie. On Sunday, June 19th, you’ll hear about fathers who didn’t care, left or were never even met at this anti-Father’s Day reading featuring writers Derek Erdman, Cienna Madrid and Brian McGuigan.

If you have a bad dad, fuck 'em—this is what you should be doing for Father’s Day, and if you have a good dad, show him your love over brunch and then come toast and laugh at the pain of these bastards and unfortunates. It’ll only make your relationship with your father better.

Tickets are $7 in advance and $9 at the door. Purchase yours right right here.

Derek Erdman
Patty Preston (My mother, age 56)
Lucille Erdman (My grandmother, ill due to diabetes)

Listen along to "Mad About Books" here!

3:44PM October 27, 2010

Patty Preston: Hello?

Derek Erdman: Mama?

Patty Preston: Hey, Derek!

Derek Erdman: Hi.

Patty Preston: Hi.

Derek Erdman: Are you busy?

Patty Preston: With grandma.

Derek Erdman: Oh, you’re there now?

Patty Preston: She came home today, yeah.

Derek Erdman: Oh, you’re at her house.

Patty Preston: Yes.

Derek Erdman: So, she’s out of the hospital.

Patty Preston: Yes.

Derek Erdman: Are you really busy at this second?

Patty Preston: No, what do you need?

Derek Erdman: Well, I have a friend. Her name is Aja. I think she’s named after the Steely Dan record. She uh, she’s doing a project, about how people’s parents…

Patty Preston: Yeah?

(00:00:34)

Derek Erdman: …how people’s parents met. And I was wondering…

Patty Preston: (laughing)

Derek Erdman: I was wondering if you could tell me how you and my father met.

Patty Preston: He was the mailman.

Derek Erdman: He was your mailman?

Patty Preston: Yeah!

Derek Erdman: Was he older than you?

Patty Preston: Yes.

Derek Erdman: Um, and so you just met him ‘cause he was delivering mail.

Patty Preston: Yes. He was delivering mail and he had long hair…

(doorbell rings)

Patty Preston: It’s probably your (indecipherable) caregiver, hold on a minute.

(00:01:04)

Lucille Erdman: And throw that phone out.

Patty Preston: I’m not throwing my phone out, just hold on. God almighty.

Derek Erdman: Um.

Patty Preston: Shoot me if I ever get like this.

Derek Erdman: How long did you date him for?

Patty Preston: Um, he had long hair and braces, and it was like right after I came home from that Flory Dory Home*…

Derek Erdman: Uh-huh.

Patty Preston: And I noticed him and like, we were, we talked for a while, I’d…a couple months.

(00:01:30)

Derek Erdman: A couple months.

Patty Preston: (to somebody else) HI! (pause) Yes.

Derek Erdman: Who is that?

Patty Preston: This is grandma’s caregiver.

Derek Erdman: Oh, um, so, how long after you met him was I born?

Patty Preston: I don’t know. I’d have to think about that. I’d have to look in my baby book.

Derek Erdman: Oh, you have it in your baby book.

Patty Preston: Yeah, it’s written in my baby book.

Derek Erdman: And how long did you date him total, would…

Patty Preston: You wanna know when you got your first tooth?

Derek Erdman: No, I don’t need to know that.

Patty Preston: Oh. You got it on my first Mother’s Day.

Derek Erdman: Oh! That’s nice.

(00:02:00)

Patty Preston: I know.

Derek Erdman: Well, so, how long did you date him for?

Patty Preston: Well, let’s see…

Derek Erdman: Total.

Patty Preston: I’d say six months.

Derek Erdman: But I thought he was around…

Patty Preston: Before I got pregnant. Before I got pregnant.

Derek Erdman: Oh. And then when did he leave? Like a year after that?

Patty Preston: Uh, when you were three months.

Derek Erdman: Oh. So like a year after that.

Patty Preston: Yeah.

Derek Erdman: So you dated him for a year and a half.

Patty Preston: Yeah.

(00:02:30)

Derek Erdman: Um, did you guys ever think about getting married?

Patty Preston: Yes.

Derek Erdman: Oh, you did.

Patty Preston: Yes.

Derek Erdman: Did he propose to you?

Patty Preston: No. There wasn’t a proposal. It was just one of these, you know, “think we should get married”, one of those things.

Derek Erdman: So you decided that you were gonna get married but then you just ended up not getting married.

Patty Preston: No, he wanted, no. That’s how he asked me…

Derek Erdman: Right.

Patty Preston: No. And we were living together and he got, was all pissed off because I used to read books.

Derek Erdman: What were you reading at the time?

(00:03:00)

Patty Preston: Uh, I don’t know!

Derek Erdman: Oh.

Patty Preston: Um, and, he got mad because I was reading a book and he threw the book and it landed in your crib about two inches from your head.

Derek Erdman: And then what happened?

Patty Preston: So I packed up and I left.

Derek Erdman: Um-hmm.

Patty Preston: And I called grandpa and grandpa picked me up.

Derek Erdman: And that was the end of it?

Patty Preston: Because my mother wasn’t talking to me at the time.

Derek Erdman: Oh. So you went back to live with them.

Patty Preston: No, I went to stay with somebody. I can’t remember now, because my mind is really full right now.

(00:03:30)

Derek Erdman: Right.

Patty Preston: Um. I stayed with somebody…oh yeah, I stayed with this girl, Barb. She had, like a condo…

Derek Erdman: Um.

Patty Preston: And I stayed with her.

Derek Erdman: Oh, you never got back together with him.

Patty Preston: No. No, once he threw that book I left.

Derek Erdman: Because I thought it was because he put champagne in my baby bottle.

Patty Preston: That too.

Derek Erdman: It was like a combination of the two.

Patty Preston: Yeah, I mean, he fought me leaving.

Derek Erdman: Oh, he wanted you to stay?

(00:04:00)

Patty Preston: Yeah, and he used to drive up and down the road where I was staying.

Derek Erdman: Oh. But he would try to contact you.

Patty Preston: Yeah, he would like drive up and down the road, cause he didn’t know which place I was staying at, and he would like, drive up and down the road looking.

Derek Erdman: Right. Um, well, thanks a lot! Get back to grandma I guess.

Patty Preston: Oh my God, she’s being horrible…

Derek Erdman: Why, what’s happening?

Patty Preston: She gave the people in dialysis…she flipped them off yesterday.

(00:04:30)

Derek Erdman: Um, really?

Patty Preston: Yeah!

Derek Erdman: Huh.

Patty Preston: Yeah, so. I’ll give you a call later.

Derek Erdman: Okay, I love you.

Patty Preston: Thanks, I love you too.

Derek Erdman: Bye.

Patty Preston: Bye.

(00:04:41)

* Flory Dory Home: what my mother calls the home for unwed mothers that she stayed in when she was 17. It’s actually named The Florence Crittendon Home For Unwed Mothers.