"TOMMY BETTY & THE FOOSBALL TABLE"



Act I: Initial Negotiations

ADVERT FLASHES ON SCREEN:

Classic SUPER-SHOT Competition foosball table, probably from the 1980s. This table is EXTRA SOLID and has great action. Comes with 1 ashtray & 5 balls. 

Don't bother with those newer, cheaper tables. This thing is built to last. It will be around way past 2012.

(http://www.derekerdman.com/1/FOOZ.jpg)




TOMMY BETTY: How much would you allow me to pay for this table? I can not pay the desired price. I want this table. Please allow me to know. Thank you. 

DEREK ERDMAN: I will allow you to pay $150.

TOMMY BETTY: Please Mr. Derek if you allow to go lower. I would like this table. I provide service if necessary.

DEREK ERDMAN: (no response)

TOMMY BETTY: hello mr derek may i invite you to chat?

DEREK ERDMAN: Okay, you can invite me to chat.

(1/2 hour intermission)

TOMMY BETTY:  I chat with you now.

(1 hour & 20 minute intermission)

DEREK ERDMAN: hello?

(6 hour intermission)

TOMMY BETTY: hello mr. derek

DEREK ERDMAN: (no response)

TOMMY BETTY: Mr. Derek it seem you not serious to allow me to buy your grid table. I am very upset. I want the table. Please allow me to know what you need to allow me to buy it for $75.00 USD. Thank you Mr. Derek. 

DEREK ERDMAN: Tommy, I am very serious for you to buy the grid table at the price it is for sale. Derek PS. $75!

TOMMY BETTY: Wonderful news Mr. Derek! When may you allow me to pick up the grid, this week perhaps? I will provide you the $75 USD in cash, yes?

DEREK ERDMAN: No Tommy Betty. The price of the grid table is $150. I am going to tack on $11 for the time to write you emails. So, the price of the grid table is $161.

TOMMY BETTY: Mr. Derek you ride hard bargain. May you allow me to provide service and $75 USD?

DEREK ERDMAN: Tommy Betty, What is the "service"? Derek

TOMMY BETTY: Mr. Derek I do much work in fields for house, office. I have daughter. She 25. Please allow me to know how you feel about the service.

DEREK ERDMAN: I don't have fields and my office is only big enough for me, really. What does your daughter do? How is she at sandwiches?

TOMMY BETTY: Mr. Derek I hope you not pull my toes. I am serious for this grid table. I can make you sandwich very tasteful. My daughter is student but she help with service. She is good.

DEREK ERDMAN: What kind of sandwiches? How many?

TOMMY BETTY: Mr. Derek if you pull my toes I promise punishment. If sandwich is what you truly desire I make many tasteful sandwich. No $75 USD?

DEREK ERDMAN: I will give you the grid table in exchange for 365 ham sandwiches, 3 slices of ham each, with mayo and mustard & a dill pickle slice. Regular sized bread, lightly toasted. I would like each sandwich in a plastic bag with each day of the year written on it in black magic marker.

TOMMY BETTY: Mr. Derek is this serious agreement? Year 2010, 2011? Is this for gathering?

DEREK ERDMAN: I will need them on August 14th. They will have to be delivered. This agreement stands unless somebody else buys the grid table for $150.

TOMMY BETTY: Mr. Derek if you serious I will take offer grateful. I contact you August 13, 2010 unless I find simi grid table for less. Yes? You take back, I punish you.

DEREK ERDMAN: That sounds fair.

END