The following story is true, though I have a tendency to embellish every now and again.

Sometime last year I decided to buy a laptop from eBay. I wanted one with a good sized hard drive and that I could watch DVDs on. I found a Compaq Presario on eBay for a good price and snatched it up.

When it arrived, the case was kind of cracked and the touchpad was not working. I was pretty mad to say the least!

I had paid a great deal of money and waited for the package to come via UPS, who is terribly unreliable in my part of town. I also drove my friend Melanie to the hospital the day it arrived. When I got home, I was pretty hungry. I made myself a sandwich and sat down in front of the TV to read any sort of literature that came with the machine. I reached into the box and pulled out a bag. I felt the side pockets to see where the manuals may have been stored, in one pocket it felt like there were a lot of cookies. "Hmm," I thought. "I could certainly use some cookies, I'm hungry!". When I unzipped the pocket, I pulled out a bag of marijuana!

I was pretty startled to say the least. At first I was convinced that the police were going to bust in, I thought I was part of a set up. I called my friend Dave who came over immediately. I was in shock at that point. It was the most pot I'd ever seen. Neither of us cared very much, as we're not pot smokers. The stuff is pretty gross if you ask me, it makes me feel paranoid and icky.

Dave & I weighed it. It was 9 ounces. A-fucking-stounding.

I wasn't sure if I should contact the seller. Did he not even know he sent it? Perhaps it belonged to a roomate? Did he realize his mistake too late and now he's fled the country? I wrote him concerning the broken state that the laptop was in. He wrote back and said I could have a refund if I wanted. No mention of the grass. Not a peep.

I didn't know what to do with all of that pot, so I wrote a note pretending to be a mother. It read along the lines of:

"I was cleaning my son's closet last week and came across this bag of marijuana. I've had a talk with him and we've decided the best thing would be to turn it over to the police. My son is not a bad person, he just likes to have a good time. Metallica rules!"

I put the note in a box and taped the box up with an entire roll of tape. Then I wrote "Send To Police" on it and put it in a mailbox.

I still have the laptop, sometimes I play Ms. Pacman on it.