Movies from this trip include:
"Toys For Tots motorcycles and Police on Western Ave (Chicago) SOUNDS LIKE PAC-MAN"
"Frankfurt Air-port tarcam screen movie" (mostly boring)
"Wing Over Sweden"
"People Passin' Through The Train Lobby - St. Petersburg"
"Subversive Russia Communist cartoon which includes the line "Who needs to eat, we're so happy!"
"The Neva River & a group of kids in the Hermitage - St. Petersburg"
"One child attacks another in a lawless Russian school in a dispute over denim, cigarettes"
"Teaching the children early to shape-up and ship-out"
"Clapping for the ballet about jewels"
"Mile-long escalator ride into eternity (and trains)"

St. Petersburg Russia is an enormous grey city with gigantic buildings entirely covered in soot. Western influence is as common as seeing 12 year olds
drinking on public transportation (and by which I mean REALLY COMMON) while sporting black eyes from last nights conflict over getting into Natasha's pants.
What I've told most people is that it's not strange to see a large group of people not saying a single word to each other. Everybody tended to keep to themselves
in a major way. I went from December 5th-14th and it was colder in Chicago at the time, but the weather was mostly similar to midwestern America. Lots of grey,
snow and rain. I drank a lot of vodka, ate things wrapped in pancakes, and slept 70% of the time. The sun rose at 9am and set at 4pm. Camel cigarettes cost
70 cents and an Old Navy sweatshirt with a cut tag could run you $75. My favorite part of the trip was when Julia and I were getting driven around by her
house mother's wealthy lawyer son in a brand new Mercedes. I don't think I've ever even driven in a Mercedes, and it was even sweeter to be in such comfort
while passing through all of that poverty. THEN HE PUTS IN WIND OF CHANGE BY THE SCORPIONS. He spoke little English and I know 5 Russian words,
but when I said, "The Scorpions!" he then said, "Yes, Scorpions!" AND WE BECAME BROTHERS. The iron curtain has fallen, friends and we actually do have
Klaus Meine to thank for it.

Did I mention the women? Oh yes, they are what you would call GOOD LOOKING. And there's a lot of them and they were dressed up, all of the time. Everybody
in the city of St. Petersburg seemed to be age 18-27, older people on the street were in the minority. I was told that the life span of a male is significanly shorter
than that of a female, due mostly to heavy drinking and physical violence. As most people live with their parents until they get married, I got the idea that the
women were constantly on the prowl to get married. But of course I don't really know anything about it, I was there for 10 days and can't speak the language.

Frankfurt Airport 6am (before sleeping on a bench with my feet on a garbage can)

Frankfurt Airport 6am - same picture, people in different places.

Frankfurt Airport - on the bus to the Russian airplane, you have to walk up stairs to the plane TO BEGIN LIVING LIKE DOGS! (j/k, natch)

In the air over Germany.

In the air over Germany.

In the air over Germany.

Uh, clouds. Sorry.

The first glimpse of Russia, which looks a lot like North Eastern Ohio.

Rows of buildings full of drunken Vladimirs.

Russia: muddy, frozen.

On the train escalator, which is at least a 15 minute ride.

More escalator designed to resemble scene from Poltergeist.

In the courtyard next to Julia's temporary apartment.

Apartment next door in which I didn't not see any naked people.

Liteny Prospect, 6pm or so.

Liteny Prospect, 6:01pm or so.

Translation reads: People who sleep in the bed are easy to kill for Rubles.

The bridge off which to throw bodies as seen in movie Gorky Park, ok I'm lying.

Lotsa buildings in a row.

The genitalia on this horse statue resembles the face of the man with whom the sculptor's wife had an affair.

More horse statue.

Peter The Great's collection of alien life forms kept in jars in secret non-camera room.

Julia standing next to enormous monster voodoo statue.

Mostly haunted authentic tiki-bar stuff, probably in some way offensive to somebody.

"Scoring" (finally)

You see that giant statue that looks like stone in the background? Well, it's plastic. I almost pushed it over.

View from apartment peep-hole I

View from apartment peep-hole II

Up the apartment stairwell, lighter-writing on the ceiling.

Landing outside of apartment is actually a lame attempt to have more pictures.

This is the security system on most buildings. You have to press three buttons to enter. WHICH THREE BUTTONS COULD IT BE?

"Pemoht 3ohtob". The Russian language is a code from Star Wars.

Kevin is from Singapore. He is smart and dirty. I taught him Hot Carl.

This is at the Russian sushi restaurant. Kevin's housemate used to rub on him with an erection He called it the "soft rub".

The "soft rub" is indeed a serious issue. HOLY SHIT, BUSINESS LUNCH AT THIS RESTAURANT IS A GOOD DEAL.

Nevsky Prospect, 9:30AM. Good god almighty.

Important building near Hermitage.

Important blogger near Hermitage.

Hermitage courtyard, 2k5.

Yawning from phenobarbital.

Ancient tomb containing the body of Gregory Hines and a VHS copy of White Nights.

Priceless antique busts, animals, and suitcoat with jeans.

"bust".

"The hall is in the restoration". I could laugh about that forever.

Pictures of actual paintings.

"The man with the food has finally arrived with a bucket of fish."

"Dead things on the table, cat and dogs fight over vegetables (yeah, right)".

I have to sneak this picture, so it's blurry. Also, I touched it.

Room in the Hermitage, very much like 100 other rooms filled with wonder, splendor.

Painting of people coming & going.

This painting is called "Can I have payment in advance?"

Nice legs, apple, babies.

I spent 6 hours in the hermitage and then went to sleep on a bench.

Sometimes I watched the people do the walking?

Euro-white boot tourism board.

"We have to move the paintings to the back of the building to load into my Peugeot."

"Yes, first I will get the shit coffee to drink beforehand."

"Please get some sour cream to put into my coffee."

"OH, Bronislaw called last night! I'm so excited!"

"He is taking you to The Pizza Hut?"

"Do tell!"

I'm sorry, I don't know why there are so many of these pictures.

Kevin & Julia height comparison, Sasha is Russian and likes Franz Ferdinand.

Outside waiting for the 30 cent bus.

Sasha and Kevin maybe talking about dirty things.

Oh, it's funny!

Too many pictures of the same thing.

Too many pictures of the same thing II: Back In The Habit.

In the Russian art children night-school classroom.

Julia is Peter Murphy in "the Russian art children night-school classroom". Sorry, I'm listening to Bauhaus.

The children learning all about the bears and wolves and how to destroy the elderly.

The woman on the right's shirt said "What You Want" over the left breast.

I spent a lot of time at this interent cafe looking up drug names and Desperate Bicycles eBay auctions.

Julia shopping for tops.

In 2 hours this advertisement would be totally destroyed. It's advertising fruit. She is saying, "eat mangoes!"

Russian ballet about gemstones. A saw a woman eating a tomato like an apple here.

"Entrance to this ballet costs more than most monthly rents."

Communist garbage pile scene.

More of the same.

I liked this building and imagined it in gun fights for freedom, etc.

Look closely for prostitute, children.

Standard park with broken benches.

Peter the great, Santa Claus "Come eat at my wonderful restaurant!"

"We have the blini filled with cabbage and pickles."

Happy eating Americano imperialist pig face!

Some things cost 82, some cost 110.

Standing outside the train station waiting for American who want to eat Indian food. Sandwich boards.

All of these people are alcoholic.

When the subway station runs out of advertisements(left), they use pictures of dogs and cats(right).

"lamps".

Riding to eternal gruel.

Winged bomb.

Sleeping safely under the Star Of David.

Julia's bed, bedroom.

wardrobe.

window, curtains, clothes.

Door to second room.

My bed and books.

Back hallway and shower area.

Shower area, bath covered by refrigerator.

Kitchen. Please note vodka, cigarettes.

Windows of other 400 sq/ft comfortable apartments with hot water provided by the city.

Picture of the street to have more pictures to justify $900 plane ticket.

Do not enter, you are dying.

All night sex shop! Gleaming Spires: All night party.

Rainy Nevsky Prospect.

Speeding Russian cars running on leaded gasoline.

Note: Ray-Ban, McDonalds.

Derek Erdman, NUMBER ONE INTERNET WEBSITE. (stop being so crabby)

Back in Chicago, dead pigeons.

OUCH!