Odindeathcrush is my mom

Jestine is my girlfriend

Mano is my mom's mom

Corina was my 1st (really bad) relationship

we were talking about a Germs bootleg kinda before it
all starts

you won't read this anyways.

Colin Tappe: there's been, like, 3 minutes of no music
odindeathcrush: when in doubt always reboot
Colin Tappe: all these fake starts and everything
odindeathcrush: no music...??
Colin Tappe: yeah
odindeathcrush: oh...ycuk
Colin Tappe: like, tuning and stuff
odindeathcrush: great
Colin Tappe: I guess it's amusing
Colin Tappe: as an honest document, or something
odindeathcrush: maybe you caould hear them go to the
bathroom if you are really lucky
Colin Tappe: hey
odindeathcrush: sound boring to me
Colin Tappe: do you think people seek out sexually
what their parents were like, and personality wise
what they lacked from their parents?
Colin Tappe: Like
Colin Tappe: I was talking to Jestine about this
odindeathcrush: sexually? um...
odindeathcrush: hurmm...
Colin Tappe: and she said that there was no way Freud
was right about wanting to fuck your mom/dad
(respectively, depending on your gender)
odindeathcrush: maybe what they perceived them to be
like...but unless they had sex with their parents they
wouldn't know
Colin Tappe: and I pointed out that her dad was a real
dominating person in her life
Colin Tappe: like
odindeathcrush: i agree with her idea of the wanting
to fuck your parents...cuz that is just icky
Colin Tappe: a super strict disciplinarian, etc.
odindeathcrush: but i do know people do seek out
others who they can repeat the parental experience
with
Colin Tappe: and she's really submissive in the sack
Colin Tappe: not, like, a weak girl
Colin Tappe: but she just prefers to be "dominated" if
you will
odindeathcrush: uh...i don't think that has to do with
her dad
odindeathcrush: it's just her preference
Colin Tappe: well
Colin Tappe: I also pointed out
odindeathcrush: lots of girls like to be dominated
odindeathcrush: lots of guys like to be dominated
Colin Tappe: that I like being treated very softly
odindeathcrush: it's a giveing up of control
Colin Tappe: gently, and maternal like
odindeathcrush: hey hey hey! and i'm a cruel harsh
person right?
Colin Tappe: I also enjoy getting a certain...
Colin Tappe: vindication
odindeathcrush: blasphemer!
Colin Tappe: no
odindeathcrush: lol
Colin Tappe: we're getting there
Colin Tappe: like
Colin Tappe: I like, uh...
Colin Tappe: well
Colin Tappe: KNOWING
Colin Tappe: hearing, if you will
Colin Tappe: that I'm "doing a good job"
Colin Tappe: if you catch my drift
odindeathcrush: vindication....ahhhhhh....well that is
normal too
Colin Tappe: sort of like
Colin Tappe: well
odindeathcrush: i mean i don't think it has anything
to do with your parents
odindeathcrush: it's just your way
Colin Tappe: you've always been super supportive of my
work, and stuff
odindeathcrush: no hell kai...i am a meanie i know
it....
odindeathcrush: i was just joking..sorta...
Colin Tappe: and so I need that from a girl
odindeathcrush: i'm no day at the beac h
Colin Tappe: fuck, man, we're working on that
Colin Tappe: I mean
Colin Tappe: there was abuse, and all that, so
supposedly i'd want to be dominated in bed and all
that, according to my theory
Colin Tappe: but the truth is, that at the end of the
day you were super maternal, like
odindeathcrush: ha. right...so there goes that theory
Colin Tappe: a traditional sort of mom
Colin Tappe: in that you did genuinely care/love,
y'know?
Colin Tappe: and I need to get that feeling when I
have sex
Colin Tappe: I seek it out
odindeathcrush: i see where you are going...and you
have something there indeed....
Colin Tappe: I need, like, coddling and all that
Colin Tappe: however
odindeathcrush: but mostly that is related to emo
style
odindeathcrush: not so much blatently your sexual
likes
Colin Tappe: oh, and also being treated like a little
kid
odindeathcrush: but emo style has everythign to do
with sexual style
Colin Tappe: baby talk and all that
Colin Tappe: it's sickening
odindeathcrush: ewwww! lol....
odindeathcrush: well don't let that get around...lol
odindeathcrush: KIDDING!
Colin Tappe: the second part of my thesis statement
Colin Tappe: was that we seek out what our parents
WEREN'T in parents
odindeathcrush: hrummm...that could go either way
Colin Tappe: and in Jestine's case, she really likes
me because I'm super suportive, and like, never yell
at her or anything
odindeathcrush: you could want to NOT be like your
parents in many ways and over compensate
Colin Tappe: she spilled salsa on the bed one day and
was downright flabbergasted that I didn't "scold" her,
or something
odindeathcrush: lol....lke you would get pissed at a
mess, lol
odindeathcrush: uh...how long has she known you?
odindeathcrush: it's not like she scratched one of
your albums
odindeathcrush: lol
odindeathcrush: the general concensus is that people
recreate their parental memories in order to be able
to fix what they couldn't fix the first go round
odindeathcrush: seek out people either exactly like
their parent...or the exact opposite
Colin Tappe: I'm saying we seek out what we needed
that wasn't there from our parents
odindeathcrush: or become just like their parent (to
again fix something) or become the exact opposite
odindeathcrush: yeah i hear you....but
odindeathcrush: that is a form of fixing the situation
Colin Tappe: In my case, even though at the end of the
day there was maternal caring and stuff, I had to
stand on my own a lot, and look out for myself a lot
Colin Tappe: which is good
Colin Tappe: It's a good quality in a person
odindeathcrush: most are not enlightened enough to
know what to look for
odindeathcrush: but you picked carina the first go
round
Colin Tappe: but there's also this side of me that
wasn't that apparent that needed to be totally coddled
Colin Tappe: (no, she picked ME)
odindeathcrush: you recreated as fucked up an
environment as you could
Colin Tappe: (we'll fucking get to that shit, jeezis)
Colin Tappe: anyhoo
odindeathcrush: lol....
Colin Tappe: Jestine's a total coddler
Colin Tappe: she fucking DRESSED me today, for christ
sakes
odindeathcrush: lol
Colin Tappe: put on my pants and shirt for me
Colin Tappe: no lie
odindeathcrush: hey is mano still home???
Colin Tappe: she has that, like, maternal drive, and
that's why it works so well
odindeathcrush: when is she leaving...i need to talk
to her importante
Colin Tappe: for fucks sake are you capable of
following a goddamn conversation?
Colin Tappe: I'm trying to make a point here!
odindeathcrush: and...*i am*
odindeathcrush: following...and i'm following your
point
odindeathcrush: but i have thoughts too ya know
odindeathcrush: go on...
Colin Tappe: yeah, but I can't make that point with
all these interjections
Colin Tappe: anyhoo
Colin Tappe: shit
Colin Tappe: yeah
odindeathcrush: lol
Colin Tappe: she seeks out in me PERSONALITY wise the
opposite of her dad
Colin Tappe: while sexually, it's the same traits
Colin Tappe: my claim is that it comes from the fact
that sexuality is more primitive than our
intrapersonal relationships
odindeathcrush: well i'm only thinking of me and my
perception of my mom and dad and i can't make the
connection you are making with me
Colin Tappe: we want what we can't really question,
cause we're not necessarily aware of it
odindeathcrush: i'd have to ponder on this for a bit
Colin Tappe: it's like, if we REALIZED that we're
fucking like our parents would wanna fuck us, it'd
probably creep us out
odindeathcrush: so you say we repeat who we thought
our parents style was?
odindeathcrush: yes it would
Colin Tappe: it's too subconscious, though
Colin Tappe: well, I imagine if we were fucking you'd
treat me very gently and maternal
Colin Tappe: if Jestine was fucking her dad, he'd
probably be totally dominating
Colin Tappe: even if that's not how they'd fuck their
respective mates
Colin Tappe: it's how they'd probably fuck their kids,
'cause that's how the relationship was like
odindeathcrush: and the reality is i like to be
dominated...and my dad was as passive as milk
Colin Tappe: I'd imagine all the chicks who like to
"be on top" and dominate probably had wimpy dads
odindeathcrush: very non dominating....tho mano....she
was as ice queen-ly as you could get, both emotionally
and physically
Colin Tappe: well, shit, there goes my theory
odindeathcrush: well i'm only one person
Colin Tappe: but mano was more of your father figure
than your dad was, no?
odindeathcrush: scientifically....you would need more
analysis
odindeathcrush: and yeah..sorta, but not really...my
dad
odindeathcrush: was always in the picture...
Colin Tappe: there's no way to analyze this stuff
other than case studies
odindeathcrush: tho i see where you are going
Colin Tappe: a'la Freud
odindeathcrush: well this is a great conversation
starter...lol
Colin Tappe: but people don't take him seriously
anymore
odindeathcrush: people didn't take him seriously back
then either....
odindeathcrush: but there is an essence of genius in
crazy
Colin Tappe: like anyone's gonna take modern
psychoanalysis seriously in 200 years
Colin Tappe: yeah, but he was a good writter, and he
was the first, so his shit endured
Colin Tappe: style over scientific substance
odindeathcrush: er...well, in my book he had stuff to
say....he just said it wrongly
odindeathcrush: substance over style
odindeathcrush: his style is what turned most people
off
odindeathcrush: in my op
Colin Tappe: as for the Corina situation
Colin Tappe: I'm just conditioned to survive abusive
situations
Colin Tappe: doesn't necessarily mean I WANT them
Colin Tappe: seek them out, per se
Colin Tappe: Jestine treats me like a queen
odindeathcrush: i think you got stuck in a situation
you didn't know how to get out of
Colin Tappe: and that's why it works, on a real level,
not just...continues
odindeathcrush: you knew it was wrong but you cared
about her welfare as well
Colin Tappe: word