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Diary of an Unborn Mistake
March 28: Today my life began. My parents don't know it yet. I am smaller than the seed of an apple. But already I am I. And unformed as I am right now, I am going to be a girl. Or a human elephant with a gigantic belly that says, "Feed me more you fucking asshole".
April 12: I have grown a little, but I am still too small to do anything by myself, Mother does just about everything for me, including eating a lot of yogurt. And what is so funny is that she does not even know that she is carrying me here, right under her heart. Which is quite evident by the way she keeps beating her fists into her stomach yelling, "I'd better not be mother-fucking pregnant, god-damnit."
April 17: My mouth is just forming now. Just think, in a year or so I will be laughing and jamming it full of hamburgers and popsicles. Later I will be able to speak. My first words will be, "Voting is for idiots. " Who says I'm not a person yet? Oh, I forgot. The Supreme Court.
April 22: My heart began to beat today. From now on it will gently beat all the rest of my life. Then, after many years, it will tire and stop, and I shall die. Like everybody dies. Because things just die, dude.
April 29: Every day I grow a bit. My arms and legs are beginning to take shape. But, I will have to wait a long time before my legs will carry me running to my mother's arms and before my arms can embrace my daddy. Or whatever drunken father figure is around at the time, absolutely beating the shit out of everything in his path, all of the time.
May 14: Now tiny fingers are beginning to form. Strange how small they are, like the tentacles of a cancerous octopus. They will kill a puppy, throw a ball at the elderly and touch another hand in a deceptive way. They may even play bass for Metallica or write a suicide note.
May 23: Today the doctor told mother I am living under her gigantic pancake filled belly. They may expect a boy, but I am a little girl, so I will never be loved.
June 3: My face is completely formed. I hope I look like Eric Stoltz in Mask. Soon my eyes will see the sunshine, the flowers, the sea, the mountains, homeless people, abandoned buildings, dead animals and pictures of advanced stages of lymphoma.
June 10: Mother, I can hear your heart beating and the faint sounds of Darkthrone compact discs. You will have a healthy little daughter. I can hardly wait to touch your face, look into your eyes and scream at the top of my lungs day and night until you are driven to fill your pockets with rocks and jump into and extra-deep body of water while slashing your wrists, throat and achilles tendons with a somewhat sharp razor blade purchased with money from not paying the electric bill.
Mother,
why did you let them stop my life?
You would have been so happy paying for my college tuition!
Written by Danny Aiello
