To: Derek Erdman
From: xxxx@SSCGLOBAL.NET
Subject: Kangor!

Do I win?
Is this still valid?
I just read about you...genius I say.

To: xxxx@SSCGLOBAL.NET
From: Derek Erdman
Subject: Re: Kangor!

Dude, this is old. Old and gone.
Did you call me a genius? Thanks!
Derek

To: Derek Erdman
From: xxxx@SSCGLOBAL.NET
Subject: Re: Kangor!

Sorry I missed it.
Yes, you are a gebius (genius-I'm drunk), I've spent many hours poring over your site and it's links...you so funny.
I guess I'll have to order your phone message tapes, that's right up my alley.....
http://waxy.org/random/images/weblog/Harv_Was_There.jpg
~DAN

This begs the usual question: ARE ALL OF MY READERS DRUNK WEIRDOS? Yes.

 

To: "Derek Erdman" <derekerdman@xxx.com>
From: "Jen Messer" <jenkmesser@xxx.com>
Subject: Space Banana

Hey I had the most drunkin' fucked up dream about you,space, and celestial matters this morning. You were some kind of planet being and I was a floating piece of matter doing my thing. I'm not kidding when I say this is the first thing that I thought of and I just started to write it down.. (I've been writing down my dreams and/or thoughts that come into my head about what I think of them) I thought I would share it with you as I'm thinking back on it a few hours later.
You're like some kind of unusual humanoid planet with a gravitational pull three times that of Earth. A space monkey I be, trying my hardest to stay in orbit. I toss you a cosmic high five as i get knocked out by a random meteorite/AKA: Space Banana
Wow man'
JEN

To: "Jen Messer" <jenkmesser@xxx.com>
From: "Derek Erdman" <derekerdman@xxx.com>
Subject: FUCK YOU MEXICAN PEOPLE.

Messy,

Shit dude, it's been a hella long time. I'm listening
to Billy Bragg and nursing a major cold. Like, I'm
super sick and have been for the last 3 days. All I
want to do is sleep. Also, I'm going to Haiti in a few
days. I hope to get a lot of pics of naked Haitians
with a lot of shit piled on top of their heads. Also,
I feel like peeing.

I wish I had
some pizza. I think I'll make pasta when I get home
tonight.

My life has turned pretty gay and I cry a lot. I'm
thinking that I'm going to kill my cat soon. I think
I'm going to feed her mercury from a broken
thermometer. I may get major drugs from Haiti and load
her up with those. I'm tired of cleaning the litter
box and HER FUCKING FUR GETS ALL OVER EVERYTHING.

I spent most of the morning sleeping through my alarm
and spitting green/yellow stuff from my mouth onto
dirty socks. I think I also put some of them on the
floor where they got hard. THIS MESSAGE IS GROSS.

Thanks for writing. I hope that you write again.

Derek Erdman

To: "Derek Erdman" <derekerdman@xxx.com>
From: "Jen Messer" <jenkmesser@xxx.com>
Subject: Re: FUCK YOU MEXICAN PEOPLE.(all they do is rape white women... They love that white pussy)

So I was going to wait another few monthes before I
mailed again (cause I like being invisible) BUT I got
this link that you NEED to post on the inner-web? I've
watched it like 40 times laughing!

http://www.moveon.org/censure/caughtonvideo/

God be with you and also with you
JEN

If you need any help with that pussy give me a ring!

I like The Knife. I think that she is funny. Please look at her WEBSITE. (thanks)

CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT GUY FROM THE DEAD MILKMEN KILLED HIMSELF? I guess that I can. RIP Dave Blood.

To: "Derek Erdman" <derekerdman@xxx.com>
From: colin tappe <colinrrmf@xxx.com>
Subject: a proposal...

Derek, I propose you incorporate the UK group
"Discharge" into your artwork.

Now her me out...

I'm not necessarily saying you make paintings of
Discharge singles, or anything like that. The
influence there would be too obvious.

It's just that the next time you do a painting think
"is there a Discharge influence here?"

If "yes," then you're doing AAAAALRIGHT.

The "interview" may be of any subject matter you think
would be of interest. I guess you can just e-mail the
questions and we'll have someone read them to us,
record our responses (with audio) and transcribe 'em.
All you need to do is provide the questions. We are
"P.R." geniouses.

Putting things in quotes makes them more important.

Here's an e-mail I recently sent my mom. I think
you'll approve:

I do not want fame.

I do not want glory.

I do not want respect in the field of my choosing.

I want a good Misfits collection.

I recently acquired some O.G. Misfits/Samhain/Danzig
stuff at swaps and cheap places. My thirst has been
piqued, and now I have been afflicted with an
unsatiable desire for original pressings of Danzig
related bands. I know it's a costly habit, but I have
a plan:

You know how you and mano are always looking for
something to get me for christmas? Well here's what I
want: Misfits singles. Now hear me out: with some
effort and lots of careful attention to detail, you
can wrangle in a single for about $150 (sometimes
lower, sometimes higher, depending on the single and
the pressing). If you combine my birthday with
christmas and your present with Mano's present, this
isn't that bad. Four presents for the price of one,
dig? Now, if y'all can pull this off just once a
year, I'll have a very good Misfits collection
(something I've been wanting to start for about 4
years now) by the time I'm 30. I am not kidding. I
think if we all work together, we can make my dream
come true.

spend some time on www.misfitscentral.com and pay
close attention to the Misfits official discography
section. Here you will find all the information you
need to know on the original pressings of the singles.
The records I want are:

Bullet
She b/w Cough/Cool
Horror Business
Night of the Living Dead
3 Hits From Hell
Who Killed Marilyn b/w Spook City (as Glenn Danzig)
Halloween.

The rest I will take care of on my own. The only
REALLY expensive one (relatively speaking) is She b/w
Cough/Cool, their 1st single from '77. I have yet to
see a copy of this go for less than $500. That's one
I'll have to take on on my own. The other six I'm
putting into your care.

The toughest part will be to distinguish between
original pressings and bootlegs. If you check the
"bootleg" section on the same webpage, it will give
you all the information you need to distinguish a boot
from an o.g. press. From there, depending on the
release, you will know the appropriate questions to
ask in regards to determining the legitimacy of the
record. These records are CONSTANTLY up on ebay, and
it's not supply, but demand which gives them the high
price tags. luckily, the majority of misfits
collectors are fucking lazy and ignorant to the rules
of A: record collecting (outside of the realm of
Misfits stuff) and B: ebay. With this in mind,
logically, an auction in which the legitimacy of the
item is clearly listed for all to see will go for
significantly higher than one not listed correctly,
thus, your ability to "ask the right questions" when
an item's legitimacy is in question will give you a
huge advantage over someone who's just lazy.

Now, though this seems like a near-Herculean task, in
my defense I will say that unlike the types who want
"one of the 16 copies on red vinyl with the black
splotch in the middle and one of Danzig's boogers
wiped on the sleeve" (this will make sense the more
time you spend on misfitscentral.com), I do NOT care
too greatly about colored vinyl (though I will NEVER
complain if you can get a colored vinyl version). As
for autorgraphs, I think I'd actually PREFER an
unautographed copy to an autographed (more expensive)
copy. I also am not too picky when it comes to the
condition of the sleeve. The differece between a "VG"
("very good," i.e. in pretty beat condition, but not
totally thrashed) sleeve and a "M" ("mint") sleeve can
in many cases be upwards of $100. I do not mind VG
sleeves, though the vinyl should be free of deep
scratches ("surface scratches not affecting play" are
okay) or skips (the seller will usually indicate
condition, if not, ask). If an original insert is
included, I will jump for freaking joy, though I know
the prices for the singles with inserts can climb
relatively higher than those without. I am, however,
and difficultly enough, ONLY interested in legitimate
pressings. They don't necessarily have to be first
pressings, but in no way should they be bootlegs or
currect represses.

Now for the obvious question: WHY DON'T I JUST DO THIS
ON MY OWN?!? Well, this is a very valid question, and
my reasoning is this: firstly, you and Mano never know
what to get me come the holidays, so this way you're
set for at least six years. Furthermore, on the
subject of gifts, if I were to receive original
pressings any of the afforementioned records, any one
of them would BLOW ME A-FUCKING-WAY. I think I'd
legitimately feel like "a kid at Christmas time," and
these really would be my ideal gift. No need to worry
about weather or not I'll "like" something, y'know?
Secondly, though record collecting can be quite a
spiritual process (look past the materialism and try
to see the appreciation for the ART FORM) collecting
on such a micromanaged level falls under the umbrella
of frivolity, the kind which thrives in the holiday.
Lastly, I feel like with the amount of trouble a
person, especially a non-record collector, needs to go
through to track down O.G. pressings of these things,
that I would fully appreciate every iota of effort put
into the tracking down of these "gifts." They would
mean a lot to me coming from you and mano, and would
have a lot more sentimental value than if I were to
just plop down the cash and buy them outright. As you
may have figured out, sentimental value means a lot
more to me than the financial kind. Being a man, I
like my sentimentality and utilitarianism in one
package, and suffice to say, any, and eventually all
of these singles would do the trick.

Uh, I suppose I should at least TRY to explain my
interest in this stuff. Well, simply put, if you
don't like the Misfits, you're wrong. Great songs,
great vocals, great aesthetics, and the production is
so raw that it makes the whole package challenging to
the listener, despite the accesable-dare I say
pedestrian-formula to their music (hence why their
"best sounding" recording, the "Walk Among Us" LP
bores the shit out of me.) What's more is that,
despite what the propriators of the contemporary and
posthumous repackaging (WHORING) of the Misfits
catalog would have you believe, they were never an
"album" oriented band (only two LPs in their day, one
of which was mostly comprised of rerecorded versions
of their singles), but rather, their songs NEED to be
experienced on the format in which they were released
to be fully understood. Yes, I am in fact the biggest
fucking asshole on the planet. Furthermore, the fact
that original Misfits stuff was treated with such
hands-on care and done on such a grassroots level
makes them somewhat of (sub)urban folk-art pieces in
themselves. Something to think about...

My suggestion is that if you don't feel like you're up
to discerning bootlegs from originals and going
through all this hassle, just don't. Trust me, this
is the sort of thing I will look forward to all year,
and if I go through all that anticipation for a
bootleg, I'll be more bummed out than if I didn't
get/expect anything, y'know? I don't mean to sound
ungrateful, but that's just the way I work. What's
more is that if you can avoid ebay (perhaps there are
some ex-New Jersey punks getting into MLP who would
like to trade? Does John know any of these kinds of
people?) dear god do! I have yet to buy any Danzig
related merchandise off ebay, save for a few bootleg
shirts, and this has been a slow, but rewarding
process. I'm giving you this "plan" way ahead of time
as we both know how absurd ebay prices (especially for
this crap) get 'round Christmas time, so if you do
decide to go for this, I'd say there's no time like
the present. Also, if you're wondering what singles
to get first, there are no "priorities," however after
a few months of watching out for Misfits auctions
(something you should do before even thinking of
bidding, just to observe the patterns and trends of
the "market") you'll see what the more costly singles
are, and the variations that go for the most. It
would make sense in the long run to go for the most
expensive singles first, since as the years go by
these records are only going to go up in value. I do
believe "Bullet" goes for the most of all of the
singles on the list (next to the she b/w cough/cool,
which as stated, is out of the realm of reasonability
at this juncture, though feel free to step outside of
this realm at any point you choose.)

Let's work together.

Come on, come on, let's work together.

Oh shit, those pictures are fucking boss. I laughed
my ass off at the Halloween pic. Chris Painter is a
fucking god. Christian Rickett's costume is a
bajillion times funnier when you think "K.D. Lang."

My life is looking really good as the completion of my
XClaim records discography nears completion. There
were 6 LPs released by the Boston hardcore label
XClaim, and I've been trying to get them for
three-four years now, and I'm now one LP away from
doing so (I'm working on a trade for the D.Y.S.
"Brotherhood" LP). I think about this crap way too
much.

Crime Desire single soon to be released. No one
cares.

Try to download a copy of Black Widow's "Sacrifice"
LP. Incredible satanic jazz fusion (I'm dead serious)
from 1970. "Come, come, come to the Sabbat, come to
the sabbat, SATAN'S THERE!" Seriously, almost as good
as the 1st Cheap Trick album, and way better than Lou
Reed's "Transformer."

harm everything is existance as often as possible.

That's it for my emails. Thanks for reading them.