RAP MASTER MAURICE
PRESENTS:
$7 VIGILANTE RAP PHONE CALLS
A friend recently told me that his sister was being harrassed at work. As my friend and I are traditionally non-violent types (except when we are attacking snacks!) we decided that we would call up Maurice. "IT'S $7 A CALL", Maurice yelled into the phone. "PAYPAL IT OVER AND I'LL HIT THE DIGITS!"
BAD CUSTOMER
SERVICE?
TERRIBLE MEAL AT A RESTAURANT?
WAYWARD RELATIVE OWES YOU MONEY?
UNABLE TO BE PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE?
MAURICE IS ON THE JOB!
For the first time ever Rap Master Maurice is willing to VIGILANTE MIND BATTLE RAP CALL anybody who has been wronged. Simply PayPal $7 and give a brief explanation of the "trouble" and you're EVEN STEPHEN. Do it now because soon it will cost $10 and you will say to yourself, "I SHOULD HAVE DONE IT WHEN IT WAS $7".
HERE ARE MORE RAPZ, THERE ARE SO MANY OF THEM:
"Sublet
Your Ears"
"Bjerk"
"A
Lot Of Free Beer"
"Emotional
Tax Hike"
"Rappin'
Sly"
"Unlike
A Hanging Chad"
"You'll
Always Want To Do Somersaults"
"Abusing Fossil Fuels"
"A Degree In Jerk"
"Maurice
VS The Butcher"
"Hot
Peruvian Waiter"
"Build
A Time Machine"
"Try Nautilus"
"Goebbels Of The Head"
"Monsieur
Rogers & Le Neighborhood"
"Writer's Block"
"Muy
Bien Amigo"
"Faberge Egg"
"Tet Offensive"
(Full Version)
"A
Lot Of Nuts"
"High
Cut Shorts"
"More
Fabric Than Joann"
"Muscles
Are Sweet"
"PhD
In Wisdom"
"Break
On Through"
"A
Cake With A Hole"
"Before
You Further Decay"
"Don't
End Up Like Marilyn Monroe"
"More
Rumours Than Fleetwood Mac"
"Omnipresent
Health Decline"
"The
Insane Vote For McCain"
"A
Harbor Of Pearl"
"Rock
& Roll Disease Without Any Cure"
"You've
Probably Driven Through Kalamazoo"
"Charles
Manson's Real Target Was Terry Melcher"
"Like
Dabney Coleman In 9 To 5"
"My
Rap Instinct Is Basic"
"Taking
Pictures Of Coffee"
"Pictures
Of Dicks"
"Canine
Version Of Bernhard Goetz"
"Return
Your Sister's Calls"
"Jewel
Boxing"
"The
New Inconvenient Truth"
"I
Know At Least Three Got The HPV"
"Hair
On Your Body"
"Totally
Hussein"
"Spending
Time With Nao Season"
"Another
Generation Of Ding-Dongs"
"Your
New Favorite Band"
"Poll
The Kids At Your Middle School"
"As
Cutting Edge As A Phone Booth"
"If
Being A Slob Was A Crime, They'd Throw You Into The Clink"
"Put
Your Mom's Nissan Ultima Back In The Garage"
"More
Friends Than David Schwimmers"
"Discontinued
Like The McDLT"
"Juno
Ain't Groovy"
"Playing
Bingo With The Girls"
"Now
You Know About Me"
"Your
Bathroom's Like Nancy Reagan"
"Your
Bathroom's Like Nancy Reagan #2"
"You
Got A Heart Like Greenland"
"Flakier
Than A Head Of Dandruff"
"A
Whole Lotta Flakin' Goin' On"
"Embargoed
Like Fidel Castro"
"Flakier
Than A Baklava Buffet"
"Like
Patti Labelle, She Needs A New Attitude"
"More
Company Than Stephen Sondheim"
"Show
'Em Around"
"The
Only Sound You'll Be Hearing Is Broken Glass"
"You're
A Karma Chameleon"
"You're
A Karma Chameleon (Director's Cut)"
"A
PhD In Rapocology"
"Without
Decorum To The Nth Degree"
"You
Need A Calendar, I Suggest eBay"
NON VIGILANTE
(FRIENDLY) RAPZ:
"Burritos
& Hot Sauce"
"The
Gift Of The Year"
"Andy's
Valentine Rap"
"Chrissie's
Valentine Rap"
"Jessica's
Valentine Rap"
"Lisa's
Valentine Rap"
"A
Prayer For Patrick Swayze"
"Birthday
Re-Rap"
"Make
A Sweater For Your Cat To Wear"
"Raw
Fish Makes Everyone Drool"
"You
Lost Some Teeth In Munich, Germany"
"The
National Guard Went To Kent State & Blew Some Students Away"
"Nickleback"
"Running
Low On Monkey Tape"
"These
Aren't The Brakes"
"Don't
Cut Off Your Ear Like Vincent Van Gogh"
"Next
Year I'll Just Buy You A Sweater"
"These
Aren't The Brakes"
"The
Gender Identity Of Thomas Cruise"
"A
Twin Named Shelly"
"Your
New Favorite Band"
"I
Hope You Received Some Bacon Wrapped Dates"
"Relish
Is A Thing We All Can Hate"
"In
Walrus That Means You're A Lot Of Fun"
"You're
Tall, You Like Basketball & The Fall"
"It
Sounds Like You Moved In To A Fitness Club"
"If
You Break The Law The Cops Will Put You Under Arrest"
"Awesome
And Fantastic And Stupendous Combined"
"Raking
In The Bucks Just Like Nick The Greek"
"Your
Kids Play Hockey In Sweden"
"I
Gotta Admit, I Like Dr. Pepper Too"
"A
Hero Ain't Just A Sandwich"