$17 VIGILANTE RAP PHONE CALLS
TERRIBLE MEAL AT A RESTAURANT?
TIRED OF A WORN OUT RELATIONSHIP?
WAYWARD RELATIVE OWES YOU MONEY?
UNABLE TO BE PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE?
MAURICE IS ON THE JOB!
Maurice is willing to VIGILANTE BATTLE RAP CALL
anybody who has done you wrong. Simply PayPal $17 and give a brief
the trouble and you're EVEN STEPHEN. Do it now because soon it will
cost $22 and you will say to yourself, "I SHOULD HAVE DONE IT
WHEN IT WAS $17".
$17 payment includes justice, peace of mind and a medium
quality MP3 file emailed to you in a timely manner!
MAURICE will rap about ANYTHING, even gross stuff!
There are no bounds to justice. SERIOUSLY:
PAROLE OFFICER GOT YOU DOWN?
FATHER LEFT YOU AT AN EARLY AGE?
MAD AT THE TALIBAN?
the telephone number and the info, THE RAP IS MADE.
The price of non-revenge "friendly" raps has changed
to $24. Maurice is a revenge rapper but will don the hat of
friendly rapper for an extra $7.
A FAN OF RAP MASTER MAURICE on Facebook! Or exercise free will
and don't. It's your life, champ.
you pay, send an email to the same address with what your rap is about.
Include names and a phone number and good details. AND THEN: RAPS.
ARE PAST VIGILANTE RAP CALLS, YOU LOVE THEM:
Lot Of Free Beer"
A Hanging Chad"
Always Want To Do Somersaults"
"Abusing Fossil Fuels"
"A Degree In Jerk"
VS The Butcher"
A Time Machine"
"Goebbels Of The Head"
Rogers & Le Neighborhood"
MORE RECENT RAPZ HERE (CLICK IT!)
"Maurice is our master, we are on our knees" Mike
"You are a GENIUS! I am crying now." Jim
"Maurice CAN rap his way out of a paper bag!" DJ Joan
"seriously. oh man. that is a good rap." Jason
"Maurice is the greatest blog posting." Thomos
"Fucking stellar! That rules! Thanxxx Rap Master Maurice!"
"Rap Master Maurice is the new Wesley Willis" Bob
"What is this Milli Vanilli shit? Your lips barely be movin yo."
"Maurice, I heard the rap...it's effing great!" Caroline
"Thank you. You rule!" Sheila
"That rap was great." Nick
"I think it's just dandy." Greg
"Haha awesome!" Blair Neal
"Haha that was great! You can't go wrong with pizza." Yetta
"hahahaha--THAT IS AWESOME!" Tim Cook
"Rap Master, hell yes. Sounded awesome. THANK YOU!" Elspeth
"This man is a genius and a visionary." Mike
"Although buying a house may be a tad boring when compared to
guy mad at a towing company, the rap ruled none the less!" Rosemary
"Rap Master Maurice Is The Best $7 Revenge Rapper." Amanda
"You are really a genius. It's crazy." Molly Brank
"Amazing. You are seriously my hero." Kristin Marks
"You can't put a price on genius." Adrian J Brockway
(There are other quotes, I don't want to type them)
Here For You"
my name's Maurice and I'm here for you, I'll cheer you up when you're
you see i got a knack of making raps, I shoot off my mouth instead
of peeling caps,
when you got troubles you come to me, I know more words than a spelling
someone done you wrong? You let me know! Tell me about it and send
then i make a rap and you get revenge, it will be a bigger mystery
say you bought a car fresh off the lot, you spent all money that you
but then you drive it home and it falls apart, you didn't want those
car parts a la carte!
You can't send the salesmen off to jail, but that's ok send me an
I'll call him up and I'll let him know, I'll tell him some things
that are apropos!
not the only reason to rap, there's more than 10 just like Spinal
Let's say you're at a restaurant having some lunch, you order a ruben
sandwich and some fruit punch,
the server and the cook but they're going slow, you're in a hurry
and you let them know,
you get the food to go they were acting rude, and then you find that
someone spit in your food!
You can't light a match and torch the place, you might go to jail
it'd be a disgrace,
you let me know, I'll give them a call, we'll destroy those nazis
like CHARLES DE GAULLE
are many reasons to pay for raps, if you want i'll include: some hand
say you like a guy and he likes you too, he takes you out to dinner
and pays for you,
and then you go to the club to dance, but he's buggin' trying to get
up in your pants.
Or a distant cousin owes you some green, but he made a great escape
like Steve McQueen.
Or your boss gives you too much overtime, don't fight 'em with your
fists, FIGHT 'EM WITH RHYMES!
know the joy that my rappin' brings, I'm like Maurice Bilbo Baggins,
in Lord Of The Rings,
so send me 7 bucks and I'll make it right, I can probably even get
your rap done tonight.
MIGHT BE TOMORROW MORNING, SOMETIMES I'M A LITTLE BUSY. PEACE!
RAPS REVEALED ON TELEVISION (WHO KNEW?):