NOTICE:
RAP MASTER MAURICE DOES NOT WEAR A DRESS.
It is a "One-Piece Revenge Kilt".

www.derekerdman.com

 

 

RAP MASTER MAURICE PRESENTS:
$17 VIGILANTE RAP PHONE CALLS

BAD CUSTOMER SERVICE?
TERRIBLE MEAL AT A RESTAURANT?
TIRED OF A WORN OUT RELATIONSHIP?
WAYWARD RELATIVE OWES YOU MONEY?
UNABLE TO BE PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE?
MAURICE IS ON THE JOB!

Rap Master Maurice is willing to VIGILANTE BATTLE RAP CALL
anybody who has done you wrong. Simply PayPal $17 and give a brief explanation of
the trouble and you're EVEN STEPHEN. Do it now because soon it will
cost $22 and you will say to yourself, "I SHOULD HAVE DONE IT WHEN IT WAS $17".

Your $17 payment includes justice, peace of mind and a medium
quality MP3 file emailed to you in a timely manner!

RAP MASTER MAURICE will rap about ANYTHING, even gross stuff!
There are no bounds to justice. SERIOUSLY:

CHILD CUSTODY BATTLE?
PAROLE OFFICER GOT YOU DOWN?
FATHER LEFT YOU AT AN EARLY AGE?
MAD AT THE TALIBAN?

Supply the telephone number and the info, THE RAP IS MADE.

NOTICE: The price of non-revenge "friendly" raps has changed
to $24. Maurice is a revenge rapper but will don the hat of
friendly rapper for an extra $7.

BECOME A FAN OF RAP MASTER MAURICE on Facebook! Or exercise free will
and don't. It's your life, champ.

Pay here ($17) for revenge raps:

Pay here ($24) for non-revenge (friendly) raps:

Pay here ($32) for raps outside of the USA & Canada:

After you pay, send an email to the same address with what your rap is about.
Include names and a phone number and good details. AND THEN: RAPS.

HERE ARE PAST VIGILANTE RAP CALLS, YOU LOVE THEM:

"Sublet Your Ears"
"Bjerk"
"A Lot Of Free Beer"
"Emotional Tax Hike"
"Rappin' Sly"
"Unlike A Hanging Chad"
"You'll Always Want To Do Somersaults"
"Abusing Fossil Fuels"
"A Degree In Jerk"
"Maurice VS The Butcher"
"Hot Peruvian Waiter"
"Build A Time Machine"
"Try Nautilus"
"Goebbels Of The Head"
"Monsieur Rogers & Le Neighborhood"
"Writer's Block"
"Muy Bien Amigo"
"Faberge Egg"
"Tet Offensive (Full Version)

ADDITIONAL, MORE RECENT RAPZ HERE (CLICK IT!)

HOT QUOTEZ:

"Maurice is our master, we are on our knees" Mike Bonanno
"You are a GENIUS! I am crying now." Jim Finn
"Maurice CAN rap his way out of a paper bag!" DJ Joan Hiller
"seriously. oh man. that is a good rap." Jason Polan
"Maurice is the greatest blog posting." Thomos
"Fucking stellar! That rules! Thanxxx Rap Master Maurice!" Steve 5
"Rap Master Maurice is the new Wesley Willis" Bob Peck
"What is this Milli Vanilli shit? Your lips barely be movin yo." Arthur Jones
"Maurice, I heard the rap...it's effing great!" Caroline Donovan
"Thank you. You rule!" Sheila Sachs
"That rap was great." Nick Vandermolen
"I think it's just dandy." Greg Shirilla
"Haha awesome!" Blair Neal
"Haha that was great! You can't go wrong with pizza." Yetta Weiss
"hahahaha--THAT IS AWESOME!" Tim Cook
"Rap Master, hell yes. Sounded awesome. THANK YOU!" Elspeth Rountree
"This man is a genius and a visionary." Mike Hanus
"Although buying a house may be a tad boring when compared to a
guy mad at a towing company, the rap ruled none the less!" Rosemary Pham
"Rap Master Maurice Is The Best $7 Revenge Rapper." Amanda Egge
"You are really a genius. It's crazy." Molly Brank
"Amazing. You are seriously my hero." Kristin Marks
"You can't put a price on genius." Adrian J Brockway
(There are other quotes, I don't want to type them)

RARE PROMO VIDEOS:

"I'm Here For You"

Well my name's Maurice and I'm here for you, I'll cheer you up when you're feeling blue,
you see i got a knack of making raps, I shoot off my mouth instead of peeling caps,
when you got troubles you come to me, I know more words than a spelling bee,
someone done you wrong? You let me know! Tell me about it and send some dough,
then i make a rap and you get revenge, it will be a bigger mystery than STONEHENGE!

Let's say you bought a car fresh off the lot, you spent all money that you got,
but then you drive it home and it falls apart, you didn't want those car parts a la carte!
You can't send the salesmen off to jail, but that's ok send me an e-mail,
I'll call him up and I'll let him know, I'll tell him some things that are apropos!

That's not the only reason to rap, there's more than 10 just like Spinal Tap,
Let's say you're at a restaurant having some lunch, you order a ruben sandwich and some fruit punch,
the server and the cook but they're going slow, you're in a hurry and you let them know,
you get the food to go they were acting rude, and then you find that someone spit in your food!
You can't light a match and torch the place, you might go to jail it'd be a disgrace,
you let me know, I'll give them a call, we'll destroy those nazis like CHARLES DE GAULLE

There are many reasons to pay for raps, if you want i'll include: some hand claps.

Let's say you like a guy and he likes you too, he takes you out to dinner and pays for you,
and then you go to the club to dance, but he's buggin' trying to get up in your pants.
Or a distant cousin owes you some green, but he made a great escape like Steve McQueen.
Or your boss gives you too much overtime, don't fight 'em with your fists, FIGHT 'EM WITH RHYMES!

Now you know the joy that my rappin' brings, I'm like Maurice Bilbo Baggins, in Lord Of The Rings,
so send me 7 bucks and I'll make it right, I can probably even get your rap done tonight.

OR IT MIGHT BE TOMORROW MORNING, SOMETIMES I'M A LITTLE BUSY. PEACE!

REVENGE RAPS REVEALED ON TELEVISION (WHO KNEW?):

 

 

Pay here ($10) For "Great In 2K8 CD"