RAP MASTER MAURICE - $7 VIGILANTE RAPS BY RAP MASTER MAURICE

RAP MASTER MAURICE PRESENTS:
$7 VIGILANTE RAP PHONE CALLS

A friend recently told me that his sister was being harrassed at work. As my friend and I are traditionally non-violent types (except when we are attacking snacks!) we decided that we would call up Maurice. "IT'S $7 A CALL", Maurice yelled into the phone. "PAYPAL IT OVER AND I'LL HIT THE DIGITS!"

BAD CUSTOMER SERVICE?
TERRIBLE MEAL AT A RESTAURANT?
WAYWARD RELATIVE OWES YOU MONEY?
UNABLE TO BE PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE?
MAURICE IS ON THE JOB!

For the first time ever Rap Master Maurice is willing to VIGILANTE MIND BATTLE RAP CALL anybody who has been wronged. Simply PayPal $7 and give a brief explanation of the "trouble" and you're EVEN STEPHEN. Do it now because soon it will cost $10 and you will say to yourself, "I SHOULD HAVE DONE IT WHEN IT WAS $7".

HERE ARE PAST VIGILANTE RAP CALLS, YOU LOVE THEM:

"Sublet Your Ears"
"Bjerk"
"A Lot Of Free Beer"
"Emotional Tax Hike"
"Rappin' Sly"
"Unlike A Hanging Chad"
"You'll Always Want To Do Somersaults"
"Abusing Fossil Fuels"
"A Degree In Jerk"
"Maurice VS The Butcher"
"Hot Peruvian Waiter"
"Build A Time Machine"
"Try Nautilus"
"Goebbels Of The Head"
"Monsieur Rogers & Le Neighborhood"
"Writer's Block"
"Muy Bien Amigo"
"Faberge Egg"
"Tet Offensive (Full Version)

ADDITIONAL, MORE RECENT RAPZ HERE (CLICK IT!)

HOT QUOTEZ:
"Maurice is our master, we are on our knees" Mike Bonanno
"You are a GENIUS! I am crying now." Jim Finn
"Maurice CAN rap his way out of a paper bag!" DJ Joan Hiller
"seriously. oh man. that is a good rap." Jason Polan
"Maurice is the greatest blog posting." Thomos
"Fucking stellar! That rules! Thanxxx Rap Master Maurice!" Steve 5
"Rap Master Maurice is the new Wesley Willis" Bob Peck
"What is this Milli Vanilli shit? Your lips barely be movin yo." Arthur Jones
"Maurice, I heard the rap...it's effing great!" Caroline Donovan
"Thank you. You rule!" Sheila Sachs
"That rap was great." Nick Vandermolen
"I think it's just dandy." Greg Shirilla
"Haha awesome!" Blair Neal
"Haha that was great! You can't go wrong with pizza." Yetta Weiss
"hahahaha--THAT IS AWESOME!" Tim Cook
"Rap Master, hell yes. Sounded awesome. THANK YOU!" Elspeth Rountree
"This man is a genius and a visionary." Mike Hanus

"I'm Here For You"

Well my name's Maurice and I'm here for you, I'll cheer you up when you're feeling blue,
you see i got a knack of making raps, I shoot off my mouth instead of peeling caps,
when you got troubles you come to me, I know more words than a spelling bee,
someone done you wrong? You let me know! Tell me about it and send some dough,
then i make a rap and you get revenge, it will be a bigger mystery than STONEHENGE!

Let's say you bought a car fresh off the lot, you spent all money that you got,
but then you drive it home and it falls apart, you didn't want those car parts a la carte!
You can't send the salesmen off to jail, but that's ok send me an e-mail,
I'll call him up and I'll let him know, I'll tell him some things that are apropos!

That's not the only reason to rap, there's more than 10 just like Spinal Tap,
Let's say you're at a restaurant having some lunch, you order a ruben sandwich and some fruit punch,
the server and the cook but they're going slow, you're in a hurry and you let them know,
you get the food to go they were acting rude, and then you find that someone spit in your food!
You can't light a match and torch the place, you might go to jail it'd be a disgrace,
you let me know, I'll give them a call, we'll destroy those nazis like CHARLES DE GAULLE

There are many reasons to pay for raps, if you want i'll include: some hand claps.

Let's say you like a guy and he likes you too, he takes you out to dinner and pays for you,
and then you go to the club to dance, but he's buggin' trying to get up in your pants.
Or a distant cousin owes you some green, but he made a great escape like Steve McQueen.
Or your boss gives you too much overtime, don't fight 'em with your fists, FIGHT 'EM WITH RHYMES!

Now you know the joy that my rappin' brings, I'm like Maurice Bilbo Baggins, in Lord Of The Rings,
so send me 7 bucks and I'll make it right, I can probably even get your rap done tonight.

OR IT MIGHT BE TOMORROW MORNING, SOMETIMES I'M A LITTLE BUSY. PEACE!

"The Insane Vote For McCain"

WELL MY NAME'S MAURICE I DON'T MEAN TO GLOAT
IF YOU'RE UNSURE I'LL TELL YOU HOW TO VOTE
CAUSE IT'S ELECTION YEAR YOU GOTTA MAKE A CHOICE
THE U.S. CONSTITUTION GAVE YOU A VOICE
SO EXERCISE YOUR RIGHT & PICK A CANDIDATE
BLACK OR WHITE, MAN OR WOMAN DON'T DISCRIMINATE
VOTING IS A WONDERFUL THING TO DO
IF SOMEONE WON'T LET YOU VOTE TELL THE A.C.L.U.
NOW THESE CANDIDATES WILL PROMISE YOU THE MOON
SO PICK THE ONE THAT YOU LIKE AND DO IT SOON
DON'T LET YOUR VOTE GO DOWN THE DRAIN
IF YOU VOTE MCCAIN YOU GOTTA BE INSANE
INSANE VOTE FOR MCCAIN (THE INSANE FOR MCCAIN)
THE INSANE VOTE FOR MCCAIN (THE INSANE FOR MCCAIN)
THE INSANE VOTE FOR MCCAIN (GOIN' MCCAIN, GOT NO BRAIN)
THE INSANE VOTE FOR MCCAIN (THE INSANE FOR MCCAIN)
NOW THIS JOHN MCCAIN SEE HE'S A LUNATIC
HIS DOME IS LIKE A MILKSHAKE YOU SEE HIS HEAD IS THICK
HE WANTS TO KEEP THE USA IN IRAQ
THAT'S ABOUT AS HEALTHY AS A DOUBLE BIG MAC
I'D RATHER CAST MY VOTE FOR MAYOR MCCHEESE
AT LEAST HE DOESN'T HATE THE VIETNAMESE
MCCAIN'S GOT A TEMPER LIKE A NUCLEAR BOMB
AND HE KILLED A LOT OF PEOPLE BACK IN VIETNAM
WE DON'T WANT A GRUMPY MURDERER RUNNIN' THE SHOW
SO SERVE UP YOUR VOTE LIKE JOHN MCENROE
HE'S LOSING HIS HAIR HE NEEDS ROGAIN
YOU GOTTA BE INSANE TO VOTE JOHN MCCAIN
(BOMB, BOMB, BOMB, BOMB, BOMB IRAN)
REMEMBER KEATING? HE TOOK THE GREEN
HE'S AS OLD AS THE ABACUS ADDING MACHINE
HE MUST HAVE SOME SERIOUS P.T.S.D.
IF HE THINKS HE CAN RUN THIS COUNTRY
THE REPUBLICAN PARTY IS A GOON SQUAD
THE ECONOMY'S AS STABLE AS MARY TODD
THE RICH ARE GETTING RICHER THE POOR SHOULD BE MAD
IF SOMEONE HAD THE GUTS THAT LEON CZOLGOSZ HAD

THEN WE WOULDN'T EVEN BE IN THIS MESS, YOU SHOULD JUST VOTE FOR BARACK OBAMA!

NOTICE: RAP MASTER MAURICE DOES NOT WEAR A DRESS. It is a "One-Piece Revenge Kilt". www.derekerdman.com		RAP MASTER MAURICE PRESENTS: $7 VIGILANTE RAP PHONE CALLS A friend recently told me that his sister was being harrassed at work. As my friend and I are traditionally non-violent types (except when we are attacking snacks!) we decided that we would call up Maurice. "IT'S $7 A CALL", Maurice yelled into the phone. "PAYPAL IT OVER AND I'LL HIT THE DIGITS!" BAD CUSTOMER SERVICE? TERRIBLE MEAL AT A RESTAURANT? WAYWARD RELATIVE OWES YOU MONEY? UNABLE TO BE PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE? MAURICE IS ON THE JOB! For the first time ever Rap Master Maurice is willing to VIGILANTE MIND BATTLE RAP CALL anybody who has been wronged. Simply PayPal $7 and give a brief explanation of the "trouble" and you're EVEN STEPHEN. Do it now because soon it will cost $10 and you will say to yourself, "I SHOULD HAVE DONE IT WHEN IT WAS $7". HERE ARE PAST VIGILANTE RAP CALLS, YOU LOVE THEM: "Sublet Your Ears" "Bjerk" "A Lot Of Free Beer" "Emotional Tax Hike" "Rappin' Sly" "Unlike A Hanging Chad" "You'll Always Want To Do Somersaults" "Abusing Fossil Fuels" "A Degree In Jerk" "Maurice VS The Butcher" "Hot Peruvian Waiter" "Build A Time Machine" "Try Nautilus" "Goebbels Of The Head" "Monsieur Rogers & Le Neighborhood" "Writer's Block" "Muy Bien Amigo" "Faberge Egg" "Tet Offensive (Full Version) ADDITIONAL, MORE RECENT RAPZ HERE (CLICK IT!) HOT QUOTEZ: "Maurice is our master, we are on our knees" Mike Bonanno "You are a GENIUS! I am crying now." Jim Finn "Maurice CAN rap his way out of a paper bag!" DJ Joan Hiller "seriously. oh man. that is a good rap." Jason Polan "Maurice is the greatest blog posting." Thomos "Fucking stellar! That rules! Thanxxx Rap Master Maurice!" Steve 5 "Rap Master Maurice is the new Wesley Willis" Bob Peck "What is this Milli Vanilli shit? Your lips barely be movin yo." Arthur Jones "Maurice, I heard the rap...it's effing great!" Caroline Donovan "Thank you. You rule!" Sheila Sachs "That rap was great." Nick Vandermolen "I think it's just dandy." Greg Shirilla "Haha awesome!" Blair Neal "Haha that was great! You can't go wrong with pizza." Yetta Weiss "hahahaha--THAT IS AWESOME!" Tim Cook "Rap Master, hell yes. Sounded awesome. THANK YOU!" Elspeth Rountree "This man is a genius and a visionary." Mike Hanus "I'm Here For You" Well my name's Maurice and I'm here for you, I'll cheer you up when you're feeling blue, you see i got a knack of making raps, I shoot off my mouth instead of peeling caps, when you got troubles you come to me, I know more words than a spelling bee, someone done you wrong? You let me know! Tell me about it and send some dough, then i make a rap and you get revenge, it will be a bigger mystery than STONEHENGE! Let's say you bought a car fresh off the lot, you spent all money that you got, but then you drive it home and it falls apart, you didn't want those car parts a la carte! You can't send the salesmen off to jail, but that's ok send me an e-mail, I'll call him up and I'll let him know, I'll tell him some things that are apropos! That's not the only reason to rap, there's more than 10 just like Spinal Tap, Let's say you're at a restaurant having some lunch, you order a ruben sandwich and some fruit punch, the server and the cook but they're going slow, you're in a hurry and you let them know, you get the food to go they were acting rude, and then you find that someone spit in your food! You can't light a match and torch the place, you might go to jail it'd be a disgrace, you let me know, I'll give them a call, we'll destroy those nazis like CHARLES DE GAULLE There are many reasons to pay for raps, if you want i'll include: some hand claps. Let's say you like a guy and he likes you too, he takes you out to dinner and pays for you, and then you go to the club to dance, but he's buggin' trying to get up in your pants. Or a distant cousin owes you some green, but he made a great escape like Steve McQueen. Or your boss gives you too much overtime, don't fight 'em with your fists, FIGHT 'EM WITH RHYMES! Now you know the joy that my rappin' brings, I'm like Maurice Bilbo Baggins, in Lord Of The Rings, so send me 7 bucks and I'll make it right, I can probably even get your rap done tonight. OR IT MIGHT BE TOMORROW MORNING, SOMETIMES I'M A LITTLE BUSY. PEACE! "The Insane Vote For McCain" WELL MY NAME'S MAURICE I DON'T MEAN TO GLOAT IF YOU'RE UNSURE I'LL TELL YOU HOW TO VOTE CAUSE IT'S ELECTION YEAR YOU GOTTA MAKE A CHOICE THE U.S. CONSTITUTION GAVE YOU A VOICE SO EXERCISE YOUR RIGHT & PICK A CANDIDATE BLACK OR WHITE, MAN OR WOMAN DON'T DISCRIMINATE VOTING IS A WONDERFUL THING TO DO IF SOMEONE WON'T LET YOU VOTE TELL THE A.C.L.U. NOW THESE CANDIDATES WILL PROMISE YOU THE MOON SO PICK THE ONE THAT YOU LIKE AND DO IT SOON DON'T LET YOUR VOTE GO DOWN THE DRAIN IF YOU VOTE MCCAIN YOU GOTTA BE INSANE INSANE VOTE FOR MCCAIN (THE INSANE FOR MCCAIN) THE INSANE VOTE FOR MCCAIN (THE INSANE FOR MCCAIN) THE INSANE VOTE FOR MCCAIN (GOIN' MCCAIN, GOT NO BRAIN) THE INSANE VOTE FOR MCCAIN (THE INSANE FOR MCCAIN) NOW THIS JOHN MCCAIN SEE HE'S A LUNATIC HIS DOME IS LIKE A MILKSHAKE YOU SEE HIS HEAD IS THICK HE WANTS TO KEEP THE USA IN IRAQ THAT'S ABOUT AS HEALTHY AS A DOUBLE BIG MAC I'D RATHER CAST MY VOTE FOR MAYOR MCCHEESE AT LEAST HE DOESN'T HATE THE VIETNAMESE MCCAIN'S GOT A TEMPER LIKE A NUCLEAR BOMB AND HE KILLED A LOT OF PEOPLE BACK IN VIETNAM WE DON'T WANT A GRUMPY MURDERER RUNNIN' THE SHOW SO SERVE UP YOUR VOTE LIKE JOHN MCENROE HE'S LOSING HIS HAIR HE NEEDS ROGAIN YOU GOTTA BE INSANE TO VOTE JOHN MCCAIN (BOMB, BOMB, BOMB, BOMB, BOMB IRAN) REMEMBER KEATING? HE TOOK THE GREEN HE'S AS OLD AS THE ABACUS ADDING MACHINE HE MUST HAVE SOME SERIOUS P.T.S.D. IF HE THINKS HE CAN RUN THIS COUNTRY THE REPUBLICAN PARTY IS A GOON SQUAD THE ECONOMY'S AS STABLE AS MARY TODD THE RICH ARE GETTING RICHER THE POOR SHOULD BE MAD IF SOMEONE HAD THE GUTS THAT LEON CZOLGOSZ HAD THEN WE WOULDN'T EVEN BE IN THIS MESS, YOU SHOULD JUST VOTE FOR BARACK OBAMA!