7.31.03 Ok, I'm going to be at the WLUW record fair selling a whole bunch of extra cheap stuff such as drawings as well as paintings. Also, there will l be a group show at the Gallery Hamburger on September 12th with Bobby Burg, Jim Newberry, Chad Hunter & Suzy Mattay. Cough syrup is encouraged, but not required. Please come and be nice. I just wanted to let you know, so you would know. Chris Fucking Painter sent this awesome link and Shannon Kringen linked my page, which is a dream come true, but not really.

7.24.03 Why didn't I think of this sooner? Oh, new movies! Update: Thanks Chris Painter!

7.26.03 Those fake newspapers are so popular, I've decided to give the extra copies away for free. Chris Painter sent me this message he found in the local community college computer lab. I got a link from this goofy Dutch website, if you have trouble reading what those kooky Dutch-types wrote about me, I've used freetranslation.com to get the scoop - and it makes plenty of sense! I'd write more, but I'm so miserable that I've got my head in the oven. Thank heavens for my wireless connection. Update: You should totally buy some skateboard wheels from me.

7.19.03 Please take the "60 Track Challenge" & earn you some money. Update: John Piche begs the question - What's Better?

7.17.03 New sections include: "Hex Enduction Hour" (Audio page dedicated to The Fall), "Mini-Movies" (Random .avi clips), "Morning Musiq" (A total waste), "Colin Tappe" (The mad genius' own page, updated as he likes), "Give Away" (Where free things will soon appear). Dom K. sent this link - give it a try, I didn't do too well. Johnny B. gave me a copy of Found Magazine - good grapes, it's great. Whoa, have a look at this. Dave Piper hipped me to this, which must be the best porn site on the dinner-net. It seems that they stole another site and left a lot of it intact, but added a lot of naked lady pictures. Lots of pop-ups, beware. Update: I'm so into the Wooster Collective.

7.16.03 I've been kinda in the habit of buying all of the original Misfits singles. It's a bloody expensive hobby. I came across this auction today, which has the absolute funniest description I've ever read. Colin Tappe sent me this oddly appealing Kraftwerk advert. Here's a bunch of pictures & kind words from Chris Fucking Painter. Because my website is so top-notched, I get a lot of awesome e-mails. Oh, and please read the James Fancher interview. It's pretty awesome. He's ok in my book. Otherwise, I had a shitty day at work and I'm really tired. Update: The sound quality on the new musiq stream is a little less than good. Does anybody even listen to that? Does the sound quality even matter to you?

7.15.03 I got shot by a gun. You can own the projectile. Here's a free drawing. Here's the wiffle-ball wrap up & a picture of a dog in a gas mask. Update: Can somebody buy this for me? I'm terribly lonely.

7.14.03 Post-party pix are here. I didn't take any pictures during the party, I was much too busy being popular. Here's a giant picture of Jen's puss covered toe after she fell off of a bike. Here's the first response to the personals section, outta sight! Colin Tappe sent these three links to writeaprisoner.com - bloody awesome. Oh, and there's an interview with Alyce Ornella!

7.13.03 25 drawings made on cough syrup sold to Jim Newberry for $1.20, go figure. Update: Acme window and floor cleaning company.

7.11.03 I can't possibly keep up with the manic typing fingers of Colin Tappe. You couldn't either. I wrote to the prisoner from the link that "Downtown" Brown sent me and we've pretty much got a few dates lined up, during which I will get her pregnant and love her until eternity flops over like half cooked over-easy eggs. What on earth am I ever talking about? Our man in Boston, Chris Ciraulo sent the poignant link of the daring young man fluent in Japanese who swallows gaggles of hot dogs with the greatest of ease. I've been talking with people about this hot dog king a lot lately. I would like to meat him. Phil Ceplice collects pictures from newspapers of people making the "crotch licking" face. He started in the 80s and he has 4 of them. I hope he gets more and sends them to me. In fact, for each new one that he sends me, I'll donate an undetermined amount of money to an undetermined charity. Update: Hey, I'm totally having an art show tonight!

7.10.03 I went to NYC for 4 days and took a total of 5 pictures. That's an average of 1.25 pictures a day. I used a calculator to figure that out. I liked New York City a lot more on this visit than any other. In fact, if 75% of the population left, I'd probably move there. I bought a $13 pack of cigarettes, but ended up eating them, because they tasted pretty good. I watched the movie Better Off Dead and The Other Sister 3 times each. Oh, here's a new interview with Chris Painter! If you want to get interviewed, email here. Oh, and Mindi M. ate some ravioli for dinner tonight, and it may have been vegan! Oh, Bill Burg whipped up some quick-pix for a future badge that I'm going to make, would you mind voting on which you like best? Julia has been demanding that the bloody nose picture be retired for something more suitable. So, this is the new one. She made a weed-beef pie for Stan's birthday, I'm sure she'll give up the secret recipe if you ask her. Update: Please come to my art party, I will give you some beer.

7.04.03 I got hit by a car on my skateboard. I bought a bunch of metal records. I got the Crime Desire demo. Tonight I will set things on fire. Yes, life's going good. Update: This AIM conversation between Colin Tappe & his mom is brilliant.

7.02.03 I went outside really late last night to retrieve my St. Vitus shirt from my car and discovered that all of my tires had been slashed. I thought at first it was a vengeful interweb prank victim, but a neighbor's security cam revealed it was a coyote! Oh, if anybody needs help using Photoshop, let me know - I'm really good at it! Update: Why is Alyce Ornella fucking awesome? For the simple quote: "porch collapse frightened trixies death accident partiers". Brilliant.

7.01.03 I bought some toothpaste today, but now I can't seem to find it. So, I'm totally reduced to using Euythmol, which is absolutely wretched. It's no wonder the English have terrible oral hygiene, because their dentifrice tastes like dirty glue. Oh, here's a list of recent referrals. Here's a wiffle ball picture. Here's a picture of the aftermath of a works bomb. I encourage you to make them, they're fun. Update: Nobody has claimed the free beef jerky yet, what's wrong with you people?

6.30.03 My friend Kori got car-jacked (the cops called it aggravated vehicular hi-jacking) right outside of my house on Thursday night. The jacker had a gun and everything. So, if you see her car, and you can get it back, that would be great. She's selling some stuff on eBay to make herself feel better, you should buy some of it. You'll find the new Featured MP3 quite funny, really. Oh, and I think that Melanie Bollman may have seen me naked on Friday. I'm going to try to talk her into setting me up with Lindsay Burton, because that girl looks pretty good. I went to Indiana to buy fireworks today. Everybody was gross and had poor fashion sense. In tribute, I bought some beef jerky. I'm giving away a package here. I was reading The Reader last night, and I was pretty appalled by this personals ad. This Roky Erickson interview is a thanks to Colin Tappe who recently sent me a copy of the Crime Desire demo. Did you know that Chris Painter ran Hilaryfan.com? It's a rather brilliant Hilary Duff fan-site. Michael Anderson just hipped me to Mini-Putt 2, but I don't like it as much as Mini-Putt 1. Jonathan Grimm is selling off his entire Misfits collection, but it's way overpriced. I have a computer in my bedroom that is always on to receive kooky chats. This was on there a few nights ago. Click here to visit jfancher.com, I think he may be insane. Julia's brother Chuck got a 38 on his MCAT. That pretty much means that he's the smartest person in America, at least. I'm going to see him when I go to New York this weekend, so if anybody has a question for him, you can give it to me here. There's some new Dom K. e-mails here. And there's a new Tales From The Clinic article here. Kevin Todora sent me a link to some boxfighting websites. Oh, and check out this 'humping baby' video from Dan Brown. Update: Speaking of babies, I'd like to wish Kylie Rivers a pleasant birthing process.

6.26.03 Thanks to Lorraine for forwarding this interview with me that she found while doing an internet-archive search. I had trouble finding what site it's from, and even more trouble remembering it ever occurring. So is life, champ.

6.25.03 My mother woke me up at 8am this morning by telling me that I'd spelled the word 'phenomena' wrong on my website. She was right, but I was kinda nervous that she & her sisters had discovered derekerdman.com. I don't think I'll be too embarrassed unless they stumble across the pictures of pornography collections, one of the porn-laced referral pages, or my Charles Manson stencils. In fact, I hope they stay away from the miscellany page entirely, because that's where most of the bad stuff lurks. As some sort of feline art critique, Kitty-Keatsie puked all over a bunch of my paintings this morning. As I was skateboarding home from Skylark last night, I found a Puerto Rican flag in the garbage and hung it up outside of my house. I went outside on my back balcony today to witness that what was once my garden is no longer a garden at all. And the birdbath was completely dried and filled with small dead water-bugs. After standing over it for a few minutes, I noticed a smell quite simlar to some vegans that I know. Update: I cut my pants short & Simone doesn't like them. Well, curses on you Simone! Can I get a witness?

6.24.03 DANGER! BEWARE! I scored this list of Chicago restaurant closings this evening. Though I think I've seen this before, Kevin Todora sent me a link to Lil' Markie's "Diary Of An Unborn Child" mp3, which is really the creepiest thing in the entire world. If you don't feel like downloading the mp3, you can read a pale imitation here. Have a look at my extra-funny and somewhat offensive parody of that page here. Punker record-collector types like myself bow to collectorscum.com. I'm not sure if I love or hate this girl, though it does seem that she's into Funyuns. Have a look at this eBay auction quick, before the expert pictures get taken down. What the fuck? Here's an awesome page of Morrissey fans arguing over the validity of a song called "A Girl I Used To Know". Speaking of Melanie, Bollman sent me this Loompanics related site, which is confoundly bitchin'. Update: I'm in love with Karen and her Oasis. Please love me back, sugar dumpling.

6.23.03 Oh my god! Wiffleball stats & pictures! A new interview! Colin Tappe's e-mails! Julia was over tonight and I was going through a box of Polaroids & unearthed these. Oh, and here's a tip: if you're going to sell your records on eBay, spell the name of the group right. I don't care if your grandmother had a stroke or not. Oh, and please come to my art show. It may be a vaguely good time. Update: Remember that time when you told me that you used to climb on the refridgerator and kick the chair out from under you? I love that as well.

6.19.03 I'm aware that it's trite to post eBay phenomena on 'blog-styled' websites, but this one gave me a sort of shiver when I read about it. I think it's the picture, totally Black-Sabbath's-First-Record-esque! Thanks to Tiffany Morris for the link. She was my 3rd serious girlfriend. Update: I've been getting a lot of phone calls from Direct Merchants Bank lately, so I've begun taping them. While they are blatant Jim Florentine rip-offs, they are pretty bloody funny if I may say so. "Onion Sandwich #1" & "Onion Sandwich #2". I just took a poll and readers of derekerdman.com are the best people on the internet!

6.18.03 These are things I know to be true: 1. Jeff Waggoner can work a gas grill like nobody's business. 2. I finally found a copy of Opal's 'Early Recordings' on CD. 3. I found this picture taped to an elevator at the USPS. 4. I took this picture in Toledo, Ohio. 5. I took this picture in Berea, Ohio. 6. I took these pictures in North Royalton, Ohio. 7. My cousin James drew me this picture. 8. I borrowed these pictures from my grandmother. 9. I took this picture at my mother's new house. 10. I took this picture on the way home. 11. Somebody left me this note at work. 12. There's a new Husker Du mix in the 'musiq stream' section. 13. Dom & Denise are enjoyable people to converse with. 14. The Sloth/Future Cobras split 7"s are in stock, the first 3 people to write me with coupon code: 'chicken fingers' gets one for free. 15. Doug James sent me a LBJ paper-doll book by Tom Tierney. 16. This interesting document just got faxed over to the derekerdman.com offices. 17. My new favorite website (via Kevin Todora): Graphic Birthing Photos. 18. Check out this new interview with Thomas Cheski!

6.12.03 I've been getting these rambling voicemails from Dom K recently, they really are quite brilliant. Similar to his emails, I have absolutely no idea what he's talking about and they never seem to end. Regardless, he is the new king. Listen here: Message #1; Message #2; Message #3. I've been up for like, the last 300 hours because I have a terrible cough. I went to a doctor and she said I have tuberculosis. You know what? It's not as bad as everybody makes it out to be. Free Stuff: I watched a movie tonight called Corndog Man. I found it pretty funny, but I probably won't watch it again. So, the first person to email me here with an address will get it free, postage and everything (won by Sean Hass, kudos!). My friend Dave works at a well known copyshop and somebody brought this resume in to be copied tonight. Stunning. Ok, it's getting light out, so I'm bloody going to bed. Update: To that girl with whom I was talking about pears & pomegranates: hang loose, tiger.

6.09.03 This weekend was totally bitchin'. I got drunk three times, smoked a lot of cigarettes, broke my neighbor's window, and made this skateboard video (I removed the video, because it was giant & totally unwatchable). Please note, this skateboard video is a gigantic file that doesn't include audio, because I don't really know how to use Premiere. It's called "Ollie To Candy". I sold a whole lot of art, even one to Alyce Ornella. Oh, and somebody gave me some crackpipes! Oh, and I made these paintings! Update: If you know anybody who wants to be in my The Fall cover-band, have them contact me here. I'm playing bass.

6.07.03 Bovril commercial, courtesy of Doug Stephen. Shaved Eric Rudolph courtesy of Phil Ceplice. Picture of eggs on a wall courtesy of Jim Newberry. Oh, the interview section is back. If you want to get interviewed, send a message here. Update: You wanna know what's dumb? Friendster!

6.02.03 New list of referrals! I've been getting a spattering of kooky emails from Dom K. from Ohio. Read them here. Otherwise I'm in the middle of some sort of coffee induced cough-fest. Last night I went to the neighborhood pig roast and watched the belt sander races. Sanford P. let me in of the Southern Lord website, which has some brilliant pictures of guys in corpse paint mowing lawns and playing ping-pong. You'll find it under the 'Graven Images' section. I would have made it easier for you, but that site is bloody-unlinkable. Update: On a serious note, if you can guess how many working computers I have in my house right now, I'll send you a crisp $10 bill. One entry per person. Send your guess here.

5.29.03 Due to an unexpected recent interest, there's gaggles of new paintings on the 'Cheap Arts' page. There's even a limited edition $10 section with 12"x12" black & white animal paintings - with media-rate shipping, they can be at your house for $14. I'm most proud of the title of this painting, because man, I'm extra funny! Total coincedence alert: I just got a message from John Marcher with a subject heading in reference to the song 'Crystal' by Husker Du, and no shit, I was listening to that same song as I read it. I kid you not. I'm in the middle of a 4 CD random-rock-fest of the 2/3 queer MPLS kings featuring "Flip Your Wig", "Candy Apple Grey", "Land Speed Record" & "Everything Falls Apart & More". I was thinking of a Husker Du 2 hour set for the next "You Can Never Go Down The Drain", but I'm teetering between the idea of that or an SST retrospect, complete with the sucky sounds of later catalog member such as SWA, DC3 & Zoogz Rift. If you have a preference, let me know here. Of the whole coincedence issue, I'm only reminded of the dork filled phrase that Dave Piper and I use so often: "Cool dudes think alike". Update: If I was introduced to the CEO of eBay, I'd be like, "Dude, that's not a name! It's a file size!" Double Update: My fourth internet stalker! And she's not obese!

5.28.03 Today started with meeting JB and BS on North Ave. to talk shop. Then Chad called about a record buy in Wilmette, which I happily drove to. I was directed to a basement chock full of stuff, mainly media & World's Fair memorabilia which will be part of an estate sale (click for more info). I found one of the most disturbing records that I now own in this collection - available as the Featured MP3 this month. Then I went to Bagel Art to get a Rococo, which is my recent favorite sandwich. I ate half at 3pm and the other half at 7pm, because I figured I wouldn't be hungry for the rest of the night. When I got home, Geoff had left a message that he was BBQing, and I remembered about that diet that you can eat a lot of meat and get skinny, so I figured I should eat some meat and lose some weight. I ate two polishes & a chicken leg. I was pretty full, so I figured I did a good job losing some weight. Then I went home and remembered a little more about that meat diet, so I went jogging. As I jogged I came upon a mountian of ants. So I ran home and got my camera as well as a jug of water. I took some pictures and then doused them with water yelling, 'flood! flood!'. You want to know why? Because I'm mean! Update: What the heck? Double Update: May 31, June 1 & June 7 & 8: Carlos Amigos & Derek Erdman art show at Wulai Gallery - 2875 Glascock Oakland, CA. Stop in and say, 'Wassssssup!' if'n you live in the area.

5.27.03 Travis M sent me another choice Google Image Search, check it out above. It's nice to have constructive e-mail rather than the majority of stuff that I get. Mostly like "MAKE YOUR NUTS BIGGER!" and "GIRLS LOVE HUGE NUTS!" and "CLICK HERE TO GET GIANT NUTS!". I'm not even joking. There was a boiler explosion at work today. I was terribly burned. Update: Q: You know what's great about the internet? A: Not much!

5.24.03 Click icons above for comics and bloated painting pictures. Did you know there was a serial killer loose in Louisiana? Because I didn't. And he looks awesome! Oh, Ryan Orvis sent me this link to a multimedia website involving The Fall. Otherwise, you know that record 'A Different Kind Of Tension' by The Buzzcocks? I've listened to that at least 30 times in the past two days. Update: A pile of crap!

5.22.03 I'd like to think that people come to my website for sophisticated laughs. If that's why you're here, please have a look at this. Update: Don't bother, this one is mine.

5.20.03 I sorta re-did the paintings page, as I'm going to be adding a lot more and people seem to be taking it a lot more seriously. I've been spending most painting time listening to Leonard Cohen and drinking extra cheap red wine and smoking cigarettes. So, that's pretty much my time, with the exception of a recent obsession with the journals of The Gus, which I'm up to something like November 23, 1998. You really should take the time and read them. Though, his art is awful and he has a tendency to smoke too much grass. Oh, and there's a new tally page of how much money I spend at a local bar that just opened. Update: Sharpeworld has some absolutely choice links to hip-hop video and articles from yester-year; dig them with a spoon.

5.18.03 I clumsily re-formatted my hard drive today without saving any of the mail that I had on Outlook Express. So, if you have recently written, could you please re-write? Because I don't have your address. Thanks and sorry. Update: I know I had messages from Kara, Steve, Jayme, Mindi, Jill and some guy asking a question about Zed's guitar pedal that I put on eBay.

5.17.03 The second installment of "You Can Never Go Down The Drain" is now available by clicking the Musiq Stream icon on the upper right. This week's show tracklist is: "You Can Never Go Down The Drain" by Fred Rogers, "Very Friendly" by Throbbing Gristle, "Graceless & Unusual" by Frankenixon, "Spector Vs. Rector" by The Fall, "Why Don't You Try" by Leonard Cohen, "Smokescreen" & "Advice On Arrest" by The Desperate Bicycles, "Reward" by Meat Puppets, "Flood" by The Blue Orchids, "Waiting For Jimmy To Kick" by Butthole Surfers, "Havana Moon" by Chuck Berry, "Space Junk" by Devo, "Just Hip" by James, "Panic In Detroit" by David Bowie, "Lose This Skin" by The Clash, "KKSuck2" by The Dead Milkmen, "Hollow Tree" Cruel, Cruel Moon, "2 H.B." Roxy Music, "Northern Line" by Opal, "If She Ever Comes" by Nig Heist. Update: I got some spam this evening and the title of the message was, "The dragon insists we sacrifice a maiden otherwise he will burn the village to the ground" and at the very bottom of the message it said, "My husband's bed is full of black sand. Why?". It was the first time in my life that I said aloud to myself: "Fuck. Yes."

5.16.03 Driving to Milwaukee for a baseball game is one thing, but driving to Milwaukee to sit through 8 extra innings is a total suck-fest. Here's some random pictures from the past couple of months. It includes Weed Beef and a sausage race. Update: I'm so into Jessika Flint of Malvernia, it's not even funny. I mean, it's TLA!

5.15.03 Pre-orders for the Sloth/Future Cobras split 7" should be directed here. It's $5 and you can use PayPal, but I'll have to email instructions on how to pay. I'm too tired to fill out the forms because I've been too busy working on my Sarah McLachlan fan page. The split is limited to 100 copies, and there will be absolutely no re-pressing. I'm going to Milwaukee to watch the Cubs today, so like, far out. Update: Mind your P's & Q's.

5.14.03 The first installment of "You Can Never Go Down The Drain" is now available by clicking the Musiq Stream icon on the upper right. This month's show tracklist is: "You can Never Go Down The Drain" by Fred Rogers, "Hand In Glove" by The Smiths, "You Ain't No Astronaut" by Melvin Van Peebles, "Night Of The Vampire" by Roky Erickson, "Bees" by His Name Is Alive, "New Rules No Rules" by Flipper, "The Last Time" by The Rolling Stones, "Baby's Gonna Die Tonight" by Adam Garfield, "Sell Me" by Frankenixon, "Anti-Kidnapping Song" by Olympic Death Squad, "Burn Out" by Redd Kross, "I'm Not A Gentleman" by Geto Boys, "Street Hawk I" & "No Cease Fires!" by Destroyer, "Tips For Teens" by Sparks, "Who Killed Marilyn" by Glenn Danzig, "Blue Bag (Inside Paper)" by Can, "Saturday Night At The Book Store" by Dicks, "Baby Love" by The Supremes, "Speeding Motorcycle" by Daniel Johnston, "Nassau" by Blind Blake, "Debbie Harry" by Family Fodder, "President Gas" by Psychedelic Furs, "I Wish You Wouldn't Say That" by Talking Heads, "Vastapol" by Elizabeth Cotten, "54-40 Or Fight" by Dead Moon. You get a little bit of talking by me, as well as some shenangans. Or she-man-igans, if you know what mean. Update: Keep it reel! You know, like fishing!

5.12.03 Last week's referrals can be found here. Word is that John Marcher is giving up the struggle. If you puttyheads can do anything, write him and tell him he's crazy. I've been pretty crazy about teen Livejournals, because teens sure are crazy! Update: Solve that Rubik's Cube. You won't even have to change the stickers!

5.11.03 Jim Newberry party videos: #1 I'm not sure what this drunk girl is saying. #2 Drunk girl eats giant cracker sandwich. #3 Drunk girl talks about beer. #4 Me & Crystal. #5 Leah and 2 other girls. #6 Pictures and then some people. #7 Julia, Crystal, me & John B. #8 Julia, me, Zed & Keats is attacked. #9 Crystal, Lloyd, Claire & the 'Girl With Blue Shorts'. #10 Dave is under the same conclusion. #11 Kori, Melanie, Julia & Stan. #12 Kori, Julia & Stan. #13 James Boomer Lowe. #14 Stan, Pete & Chad. #15 Ashtray, people & red dot. #16 Claire & Lloyd talk about cameras & Dave sets a price on his liver. #17 Lloyd:"Man, it's...". #18 Dave talks as some guy with helicoptor hair and a striped shirt is in the background. #19 Apostolic Christians wearing really long jean skirts. #20 Nicole & Marionette. #21 Zed & Heidi. #22 Pete, Chad, Jen, Taryn & Doug. #23 Lanny Oswalt in front of egg wall. #24 Me & Jesus with Danzig in the beackground. #25 Monkey suit. #26 Drunk girl hacks my files. #27 Drunk girl yammers on. #28 Drunk girl dodges blame & talks about the strength of her underwear. #29 "Peeing on the bathroom floor". #30 Californians. #31 The wolf. #32 Dave tells Matt that he fully wants to put a song on that he wants to hear. #33 Folks. #34 Taryn & Amy. #35 Heather, Derek, Claire, 'Girl With Blue Shorts', Zed, Samia. #35 Joey, Heather, Sarah, Jayme, the girl I saw on Cops, Californians & Don Henley. #36 Kit-Kay & Don Henley(1). #37 Kit-Kay & Don Henley(2). #38 Kit-Kay & Don Henley(3). #39 Julia talks about the drunk girl after she fell down outside and got a black eye. It was discovered shortly after that she had stolen a bunch of candy bars and Zed's tobacco and shoved them all in her bra, and then told Julia to 'fuck herself'. Zed's tobacco was later recovered covered in chocolate. Soundtrack by Eddie Money.

5.11.03 I'm not sure why somebody would want to listen to a crummy tape recording of a party, but if you are so inclined, try this. While I was cleaning up after the party, I was struck with the idea that I should cover "Against All Odds" by Phil Collins, so I did. The party was ok, I sold a moderate amount of art, etc. There was this group of fuck-tards hanging out late, so I put on 'Who Let The Dogs Out' and THEY ALL MADE A BEELINE FOR THE DOOR. It was quite perfect, really. I also downloaded a lot of Don Henley and the Pointer Sisters for everybody to listen to, because, like, Neutron Dance, yo. Oh, and I met Jayme Brotsos, who is a fooking ace chap, and he had this girl with him and I swear that I saw her on the Mardi Gras episode of Cops this evening. She got into some trouble for lifting up her shirt, and I'm, uh, really pretty sure it was her. I mean, it looked a lot like her. Update: Has anybody ever heard of Frankenixon from Iowa? Because this shit is fan-fucking-tastic. It kinda reminds me of a mix between Steely Dan and Opal, or extra early Mazzy Star. But a lot better. No fooling, better than Kendra Smith. Here's an interview with the singer. Thanks, Anita. Oh, well maybe not better than Kendra Smith. Really, that's a terrible comparison.

5.09.03 Steve Walsh, who is pretty much Brandon & Brenda's father, recently wrote me an extra-learned complaint letter. A lot of the words in the message were too big for me, so I'm not really sure what was meant by it. But if somebody could tell me, is it true? Is my website among frippery? Oh, yeah. Come to my party! It's tonight! And a message to me loyal readers: there will be a table in the corner of the living room with muffins and red liquid. Don't eat or drink them, I put a lot of hair in the muffins and the liquid is really salty water. Oh, and I'm going to play 'Who Let The Dogs Out' 5 or 6 times, because that shit is funny! Here's an awesome black metal page. Here's a page about the average menstrual cycle. Update: The ButterBurger is hard to beat, because a better brand of burger makes a ButterBurger better.

5.04.03 Cassette Poker involves the standard card game played with cassettes as the stakes. This evening I won this DYS cassette, but I lost a K.D. Lang tape, which I'm hoping to win back next week. If you are depressed, you can read this article about Dio claiming his invention on the 'devil horn' hand sign being mis-used. It's also interesting to look at a list of some guy's MP3s. I mean, if you find that kind of thing interesting. There's a woman at the grocery store that I go to, and she makes great sandwiches. She said that if she gets the money, she's going to open her own sandwich shop. So, like, there's some investment advice. Thanks for reading my website because that's what you are doing. Update: Destroy everything, but leave Lay-c out of it.

5.01.03 Please come to my art party. There will be kegs, as well as pregs.

4.28.03 Here's a new list of referrals. Here's a found document called "Lies Told By The Defendant". Here's a found document called "1979 Jimmy Carter Last Year As President". I'd love to write more, but I'm fully loaded on 40mg of Acepromazine, which is....uh....dog tranquilizer. Update: via Phil Ceplice: How's Your News?

4.27.03 Apartment sale happened, I made $13,643. I got rid of a lot of stuff, but also gave away and threw out a lot of stuff too. I still have a Kitchen-Aid mixer that I was pondering giving to the girl who runs fuckcorporategroceries, just cause I like her site. I opted to keep it. Wiffleball also happened, it was a grueler. If anybody has the desire to play, it's Sunday evening at 6:30pm, write here for more info. This guy wrote something about his time here in his 4/27 entry. Update: Destroy everything.

4.23.03 Please come to my apartment sale on Saturday & Sunday. I have chosen the motto as "Some things must go!". Jim Newberry is also having an apartment sale, across the street. I went to his house and he has a lot of boss things to sell. He also has a lot of photographic prints for sale that are quite nice. Kori Wiltz will have some fantastic art supplies as well as nice girlish clothing. And Kerri Lenardic will be here from Cleveland. You may not know her, but this death metal band wrote a song about her. I guess.

4.21.03 Have a look at last week's referrals, they're quite choice. My favorites include: "teeniest nakeds", "creedence clearwater revival shirt store", "Pictures of unedible mushrooms" & "a picture of some kids". The neighborhood meth-head was recently whisked away by his parents and the landlord threw most of his shit in the empty lot between my building and his. Of course, I went through the rubbish heap and found a whole bunch of stuff. Item #1: A naked lady magazine that I will send to the first person who asks for it - absolutely free. Item #2: Excerpts from his wife's journal, it's loaded with all sorts of great self-help tips. Item #3: A 500 count bottle of Tetracycline, good until 2005. King John Marcher hipped me to a PC version of the elusive Bruce Lee game originally for the Commodore 64. It's pretty much how I've been spending my spare time lately, I suggest you do the same. Bonus: Erdmankeys! Teen-genius Colin Tappe recently sent me this Blink-182 article, now if I could only get him to stop calling me a faggot. Viva Alyce Ornella! I'm having a major-rager yard sale this weekend, so get all of your money saved, as I have some boss-sale-ables. Update: Men who look like Kenny Rogers.

4.15.03 I became a fan of the musical group called The Fall during the second semester of my first year in college. I was working the 4am-7am shift at an extra crummy carrier-current radio station called WKSR. Some guy named Chris Minillo called to request 'Athlete Cured' off of The Frenz Experiment, and that's all I needed to hear. No fooling, shortly thereafter my radio show became 3 hours of The Fall, pumped into televisions in abandoned student lounges across campus. I can't really express how much I like The Fall without going into endless diatribes which include the words 'totally gnarly lyrics' and 'tasty bass riffs by Steve Hanley'. So, I opted to make a mix CD and post it here. You can also click the 'music stream' icon on this page to get the 79 minute Fall-fest. The tracklisting is here. If you have trouble with it working, report it here. Since it's my first stream-mix, the levels are a little off, so act accordingly. If you are a fan of the Fall and want to tell me all about it, click here. If you have any requests for the next stream, send it here. I like themes, but if you have a hankerin' for somethin' kooky, let me know. If you remember a game called 'Bruce Lee' for the Commodore 64 and know where I can get a copy, please click here and tell me about it. Update: Happy tax-day, asshole.

4.13.03 I went to high school with Darla Jergans, I remember her being extraordinarily smart. She recently sent me this link to a kooky Japanese website. I remember I went to Niagara Falls with Darla. I think we stopped at a McDonald's on the way, but I don't quite remember. She works at an abo-clinic and told me that one of the clients remarked recently, "I needs to get this motherfucker outta me!". Did I mention that I'm totally sick? Because, well, I am. In other Strongsville High related news, Paul Tempest called me tonight and told me he was in Hamilton, Ontario. I haven't talked to Paul Tempest in a minute (cheeky, eh?), but that Hamilton, Ontario drives me batty! If clicked the Paul Tempest link, you'll see a website that I think was made by Paul, in 1986 perhaps. He even spelled Voivod wrong, for shame! Update: Very sorry I haven't updated regularly, I've been poaching deer. Oh, while looking for some poaching sites, I came across this totally awesome corner of the internet.

4.11.03 As the iron clad statue of Saddam tumbled to the ground, Julia and I talked calmly about breaking up, which is what we have decided to do. She's an ace bird and I think we going to have a party on May 9th (to, uh, celebrate) at the Gallery Hamburger. Please look forward to more information about this soon. I'm going to drink a lot of red wine and listen to some Joy Division records. My gas bill is probably going to get kind of high, because I have a plan to have my head in the oven for a long time.

4.07.03 Stan's mom was dropping by his apartment this weekend, so he brought all of his pornography over to my house so she wouldn't find it. Apparently she's a snooper. Let's hope she doesn't snoop her fool self to this page. The best websites on the planet: #1 #2 #3. Update: Here's a list of referrals from the last week. Check it out, it's a real wild ride.

4.06.03 I just did some thinking, and I've decided I'm not going to play by your rules anymore. I'm tired of your orders, and I'm not going to follow them. Twice a year, it's bullshit. So, I'm keeping my clock right where it is. If that means that I'll be an hour late for everything for the next six month, so be it. Update: I'm just kidding, I'm no dummy.

4.02.03 In 1993, I was doing my best to enjoy college at Kent State University. My current co-worker, Pete Gere, was 14 and was recording songs. This one is a Misfits cover, and it's already become a big hit around my house. Kudos, Pete! There were a bunch of funny Kent State jokes going around on campus. My favorite was always, "Can't read, can't write - Kent State". Here's Colin Tappe's Rocket From The Tombs show review. Check it out, it's a winner! Here's a good story from Ben Lokiec. Update: More dead in Ohio.

3.30.03 Debbie, It's one thing that you came to my house last night at 4am, but it's entirely another thing that you slept with Karen. I mean, you know I liked her! It was obvious to everybody (Ally, Tara and Susan) that you didn't even show up at Paul's last night to talk to us, you only wanted to see Karen. And did you steal the Swatch telephone from Margaret's? Because you were the only one in that room, and you were the only one who could have done it. So, I just wanted to tell you that you are no longer my friend. You are no longer welcome in my home. And I would appreciate it if you returned my books. You can leave them with Mary or Kelley. I don't care, just be sure that I get them back. And the next time you want a ride to your dermatologist's, you can pretty much just forget about it. From, Ruth. Update: Check out my newest eBay auction, it's a really great value!

3.26.03 Does anybody have a copy of the new Magnet Magazine with Interpol on the cover? Because according to Graham Hickey, there's a picture of Neko Case with some of my paintings in the background. So if somebody could scan that and send it to me, that would be swell. Because I don't want to buy it. Which leads me to the next question - can I sue Magnet for using this picture? Because, it's my stuff, and I've heard fuck-all from Magnet about permission. Not to mention I could use some money. Because I really want to buy a helicopter. Does anybody know a lawyer? (I would drop litigation, of course, if Magnet wasn't a magazine by total fuck-tards. I mean, not even one Roky Erickson cover story!). I did play the lottery last night, but didn't win. Of course, that's obvious. If I had won the lottery, I wouldn't be internetting. I'd be in a helicopter. Update: Internet crush - Mary Chen. Just don't tell Julia, because she'd give me a whalloping.

3.23.03 My new favorite person: Leah Bass. I've been getting all of my wartime news from Killing Goliath, please have a look...it's really quite great. It's Sharpeworld related, so like, for sure. I found this pretty brilliant, and I read it while entrenched in a tussin-hangover. Because tussin is my new big thing. While looking up tussin related websites, I came across this, which may be good. I'm not sure, I didn't read it. A tip of the hat to brother Marcher for the new Shannon Kringen tape, which is like watching a slow motion car crash over and over again.

3.20.03 Here's a new list of referrals, I can't believe somebody typed 'elizabeth smart naked' into a search engine. I just got back from the violent war protest in downtown Chicago. I took these pictures, but be warned, some of them are quite graphic. Update: "No, man. Right here, bro." video by Jim Newberry at a 2002 art party. Used without permission.

3.19.03 I just turned on MSNBC and there's a count down to deadline clock on the screen! I'm going to go get a 12 pack and watch this one, cause it's gonna be better than Die Hard 3! War is dumb, this country is fucked. Update: I'm going to start my own countdown clock, so everybody can prepare for the moment when I destroy Chicago's South Loop area by driving my Volvo into the Sears Tower.

3.18.03 A couple of years ago I bought a piano. It was junky and dirty, but pretty cheap. I looked in the phone book for a 'value-priced' tuner to whip it back into shape. Tha man I called was Schwamm Gabka. He was kinda twitchy and talked a lot about his music career. After I read the liner notes of his CD (which I've included here), I realized that he was special, and that is why we will ascend into heaven holding each other gently. I liked the last track of the new Antifolk Vol. #1 CD so much, that I'm hosting the shit out of it. Right here. John Marcher has a bitchin' column up right about here. Update: Somebody please explain this to me, because I'd love to know.

3.15.03 Please have a look at the counter at the bottom of this page, because I can't begin to tell you how great the prize for being the 20,000th visitor is going to be. Of course, you'll probably have to email and tell me your address when it happens. Update: Do some hobbies, drink to forget.

3.15.2000 I thought that there was something oddly familiar about pictures of Wanda Barzee, the wife of recently apprehended Elizabeth Smart captor Brian Mitchell. My mother called me last night and said, "Do you remember Wanda? She used to babysit you when we lived in Riverside." She did! It all came back to me - she was kinda nice, though a little quiet. I remember being in the backyard with her and being naked. She was also the first person to make me a hamburger with peanut butter on it. Update: As a reservist, I'm being shipped to the gulf region tomorrow morning. I'll be able to update, though. I intend on bringing some Iraqi-translated Kathy Mcginty CDs to give to the people.

3.15.1997 Another gift from derekerdman.com! A letter from John Brearley! A video of a truck that plays records as it drives over them! A Google Image search from Joe Neves! This hour's best eBay auction picture of meat! Update: Scabies.

3.15.1992 Do you have an asian fetish like 99% of America? Do you still like The Strokes? Then this is for you, for sure. You big dummy.

3.15.1989 I was a total jerk most of the time I was in college, which made me lose some friends that I wish that I hadn't. I'm pretty certain that Reilly Lambert is one of them. Here's something that Reilly sent me, which speaks volumes about that fact that he can spot 'laugh-tastic' one hundred miles away. Thanks, holmes. When you click through that link, remember - you're not laughing at it, you're laughing with it. Update: Obscure trivia tidbit - original Misfits drummer, Arthur "The Goog" Googy was the founder of the revolutionary seach engine Google.

3.15.1986 Here's a list of referrals. I think the best one is: "pictures of Mexicans in Chicago". What kind of jerk would type that into a search engine? I guess the same type that would enter "low hanging testicles". I mucked up my shins running up the stairs to my bedroom & ate a Davester this evening. Then I played a bunch of table football. Update: Pave the earth.

3.08.03 Due to the fact that my insurance-less mother is in need of a new kidney, I'm selling most of my belongings on eBay. I've been looking for a kidney on eBay because I heard that sort of thing happens, but are those easy to match up? What about installation? Maybe I should ask this guy, he can probably lob one off of his next victim. I got a message from Brett Hamilton, a friend from my teen years. The things I remember about Brett are that he was into Henry Rollins, and his dad was a dentist. I think we went through his dad's Playboy magazines and took the free cigarette coupons out to redeem them. He mentioned that I interrupted he and Dawn Dickman having sex, but I don't seem to remember that. In fact, who on earth is Dawn Dickman? I remember hearing a story after I split town about Brett and a bunch of people getting loaded on nitrous and acid at Brett's dad's dentist office. Then Brett took off his shoes and walked to the sportsbar across the street (middle of the winter, 6 inches of snow) and went into the women's restroom and broke the mirror. Then they cops came and the whole lot of them went to the clink. This story could be far from the truth as it was 3rd generation. Brett, if you want me to take this down because you've alluded your pops after all of these years and now he's internet savvy, PayPal me $30 and I'll erase it in a snap. Update: Please don't sign my guestbook. I get charged $1 for each signature. I already owe them $92. Oh, inspections are over & I've declared war on this person.

3.06.03 The 19,000 visitor to this page will win a very nice prize. Check the counter below and if it's you, email here with your address. If you don't feel like leaving things up to chance, you can just hit refresh a bunch of times until you get there. Dude, some guy just complained about my Aer Lingus blanket auction on eBay. I pulled it because if all of my auctions get cancelled, I'll off myself. Update: Meat Hats courtesy of Jim "Newbs" Newberry.

3.05.03 Oh, wow. Jayme Brotsos sent me this animation of Julia that's really absolutely stunning. I've been playing it over and over again. Oh, I have a new favorite Canadian! Claire went to Montreal and brought me back some Coffee Crisps. Claire is now the best Canadian that I know. She takes the title from Tiffany Morris who never gave me any Coffee Crisps. So, Claire - you're the best Canadian! If you can come over tomorrow for coffee and rye toast, that would be great. I have to go now, because I put myself on a Prune Juice diet. If you know what I mean. Update: Jesus' blood never failed me yet.

3.04.03 You know what would be cool? Being able to get out of bed without puking all over myself. I have what the doctor calls mononucleosis, which is pretty cool to have if you ask me. Because I've been just sleeping, a lot. And everybody's been pretty tolerant of it. Oh, I got a renewal message from my host today. It seems that derekerdman.com is coming up on it's one year birthday. And the gift that I'm going to give this website is to NOT renew the domain. It seems to me that this internet fad is going to die really soon, and I don't want to be left holding the bag on 8 months of paid service. So you should pick up this domain and just continue it as-is. You can pretend to be me and tell everybody that I've been humping on Shannon Kringen. Oh, and to the guy who called me a bitch in my guestbook: hey, knock it off! Update: Tonight is the night of the vampire. PS: Did you see my auction for an Aer Lingus blanket? That's just silly.

3.01.03 After scouring the internet for any mention of William "The Refrigerator" Perry & Walter "Sweetness" Payton's 1986 classic football rap theme "Rappin' Together", I realized that there wasn't much mention at all. So, I've decided to host this track for your enjoyment. That is, if you enjoy that kind of thing. Though, while scouring the internet, I did find this page about an auction for Payton's firearms that will take place in June. Oh, I went to Barnes & Noble last night to get clip art books and guess who was there? Tracy Gold! No shit! Carol Seaver! Update: My shoes are on fire, splitterty-splat.

2.28.03 Ok, where to start. The night after our party of tuesday night, I'm awoken at 8am by two "plain-clothes" policemen. After a brief explanation, I'm told that I have to go downtown with them to get some handwriting samples. Nobody speaks to me in the car and we pull into a nondescript building just south of the loop and go down a spiral ramp for what seems like 1/2 a mile. I'm escourted by one into a series of hallways and offices until we get to a room. It's there that I'm told that my handwriting taken from a letter that I've recently sent matches certain elements of the anthrax letters from 2001. They have a letter that I recently wrote to my pen-pal in California and they ask if I addressed it, and I answer yes. THEN THEY MAKE ME WRITE THE ALPHABET FOR 6 HOURS STRAIGHT. No kidding. No words, no symbols. Upper and lower case alphabet. Over and over again. My hand swells and cramps, and I must continue. I was given a cheese sandwich with mustard packet and a can of Coke about 3 hours into it. I could make no phone calls. After I've writeen the alphabet what must have easily been 1,040 times, I'm put into a room with a TV and magazines. After another hour and a half they tell me that I'm going to be taken home and they ask if need to be excused from anything - which I suppose they mean work or school or a baptism. I answer no, and I'm whisked back home and given the original envelope UNOPENED, which you can believe I'm going to put on eBay. Speaking of eBay, I'm selling a lot of stuff to help pay for my ailing mother's medical bills, so buy this or this. Oh, and this is great! Apparently the high bidder bids on all sorts of things taken from airplanes...plates, blankets, etc. Kudos, my friend. S. Lloyd Natof sent me this picture that he took in the UK, Kori Wiltz brought me this back from Korea. It was like potato sticks with ketchup, which was quite good, really. Update: Did you hear about Mr. Rogers? Well, I had something to so with that.

2.23.03 Big party for Maureen Fitzgerald on tuesday, here at 1909 S. Halsted. If you know her, stop by and say hello. If not, stop by for a can of beer regardless. Here's a new list of search engine referrals. For some reason, I don't remember Kidd Video from when I was a kid. But since seeing the video for 'Video Romeo' from Sharpeworld, I've been pretty into that kook-fest. In fact, I think that the song 'Video Romeo' is one of the best songs ever. there are few better things on the internet than Dan Merk eating licorice whilst annoying his girlfriend. Check his site here, it's quite handsome. Update: What the fuck is Bulldog Skin? Julia said that the sentence that was here was tacky, and it may have been. I have a problem discerning tacky from wacky.

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