Entries from days of yore. Enticing, eh?
Entries from days of yore. Enticing, eh?
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HERE IS MORE ARCHIVE! THE BEGINNING OF THE ARCHIVE IS HERE. Some
Paintings By Derek Erdman @ Anne Bonny in Seattle 10/02: Ruben
& Derek's "Seven Hours Of The Fall" in Seattle 10/04: Joan
& Derek's "OUCH EAGLE" in Seattle 10/07: Sloth,
Love Of Everything, Magnum Opus 9/29: 09.17.07 OH COOL BATS: "that is the most hideous looking shirt i have ever seen in my life". About 3 weeks ago I walked past an abandoned house on my street. Ever since that moment, I have thought about very little but COSBY (COBSY) HOUSE. Mayor Daley demands "I AM THE NEW KING, OLE, GET OUT": 1 2 3 4 5. Knocked Up / HI, Patty came and brought fruits and vegetables. Beth bought some tops, everything is just fine, really. New End Of The World: 1 2. 09.14.07 You know, NYC isn't as bad as I've always made it out in my brain. I mean, everybody is still dressed up like they're going to court all of the time and it's kind of gross how convenient it is to buy flowers and cookies and drugs and things. Now there are so many things there that I like: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9, I am moving to Bushwick with Bushwick Bill at the end of November. But before that, "Joan Hiller's Scrambled Egg Sandwich" in pictures, GOOD CROWNING (SUITOR), this person really is a person, AG lies in hiding/waiting, space won't ever go away, GOOD LINE (PRE-CROWNING), 9/28: The End of The World, "shorty" vs. "shorty", I LOVE ERIN HOSIER AND THE ERIN HOSIER EASY GRID. This and this are not t-shirts, I am so happy to have Strongsville alterna-teen hot pix: 1 2 3. These are not mysteries to us: 1 2, and this is on the subway steps. HOLY FUCK, SARA K IS PRETTY PRESIDENT, Beth Hoeckel is in my house and is like: Crazy Frog Bros 1 2 3 vs Leprachaun In Alabama 1 2 = EVERYBODY WINS WITH LAFFS. I can only counter with "this song about a young girl who was abused by her step-dad and seeked refuge in the fantasy world of Robert De Niro...". 80 LEGZ, Great Beatle Boots, HAPPY BIRTHDAY BRIAN TURNER. I want to know where the gold is. Give me the gold. "GIVE
US THE GOLD": Erdman Hoeckel Art Show 9/21: 09.04.07 A must read: "Infinite Woodroofe or: How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love People". HEY, GUESS WHAT? I have a free alcohol hair salon art show at a bar this Thursday. I'm 33 and I have that, and a website, and sometimes I say that my cat is dead when she isn't. Here are some things: BOAC Spoon, Sara K, pictures of garbage 1 2 3 4, pictures of breakfast: 1 2 3 4, THE PIZZAGIRL MYSTERY HAS BEEN SOLVED. Perhaps she may not know it, but Joan Hiller is running for Alderman (Alderwoman, Alderperson) and is already facing heavy competition from the BOB MEHR MIND MIND MINE MELD party and a Michael Vick eBay auction. Joan's running mates include Debby, Peggy, Aaron/Erin, Marla & A Younger Derek Erdman w/ People & Patty. Later I sat in my kitchen, invented concepts, and then put them into action. RARE: Patti's Oklahoma Frito Blood Mountain. Oh, I found out: if I can win then you can do it too, it's easy! GREAT UPDATE - Rebekka's Hungary Pix #2: 1 2 3. FUNNY, SAD, DEPRESSING: they're ultimately 3 very different things. 08.21.07 Oh, no. I know I've hoaxed about this in the past, but last night Kitty Keatsie died in what I presume was her sleep. She was curled up next to her favorite plant in the kitchen, typically lumpy and matted. Her final meal was the usual batch of red and brownish Xs molded into crunch. If you knew the Kitty Keatsie and would like to attend her funeral, it'll be on Wednesday evening in Land O' Lakes, Wisconsin. Kitty Keatsie was approximately 99 in antelope years. HEY! Steven from Strongsville, Ohio wrote to me! He wrote: "i remember the day we met we went over to you & patty's place over by huntington bank and you showed me your run dmc picture collection. i was like man, this kid is a little dude and already out of his mind." OK! OK! OK! OK! The cover to a John Hughes film in my mind: A Time Of Her Life. There was a little dog at my house, so I took some pictures of it: 1 2, AND THEN IT RAINED AND WINDED A LOT: 1 2 3 4 5. People were so upset to see their cars mashed by trees. As I walked the streets taking pictures after the storm a former high school football man-monster looked at me and asked, "DID YOU DO THIS?" while pointing to his broken windshield. Obviously I replied, "I WISH!". Oh, I am starting a new business! You get a scanner and then put an ant on the scanner: MY NEW BUSINESS IS CALLED SCANTS! You can buy stock in my new business with Jujyfruits. On the other hand, teenager Rebekka Federle is in HUNGARY and sent in some pictures: 1 2 3 4 5. HEY REBS! I'M HUNGARY FOR MORE PICTURES. Georgie starts law school today! Go get 'em tiger! Hey, look! There are other Rickerts on the internet, and they are barfing. Will you be in Seattle on October 4th & do you like The Fall? THEN COME TO THIS FALL NIGHT-UH. I will be in Seattle and I will see Joan Hiller. I am going to help her make a website! This is what we will put on it: 1 2 3. Ok, here is some news: a crane made the Chesapeake Bay Bridge Tunnel & Sally Timms has a wonderful voice. In New York City I will attend a meeting of Jason Polan's Taco Bell Drawing Club, I hope. If you live there maybe you can come too. Listen, I think stealing music on the internet is so very wrong, but if I didn't, I'd totally use this. UPDATE: KITTIE KEATSIE IS NOT DEAD! FALSE ALARM! Sorry about that. THIS
ART SHOW IS OVER: 08.21.07 Ok, everything makes sense now. While I was making 110 Ronald Reagans, my mother called. She remarked that I was up to something bad so I gave to her Joan Hiller's Pimento & Peas Cold Salad recipe. Patty had already tasted this food! Listen Patty, you're adorable. I am so glad that you're my mother. Beachin', Confrontational Nancy, Canadian Erin/Mary, ALISSA GALLIVAN SAVED MY LIFE, send her money and/or a gift of time. Update: Patty called, she is mad that I mentioned her by name. 08.20.07 ¡Cuando descubrí más temprano, al pensar en paredes, o para ser rodeado por paredes, yo no VOY DONDEQUIERA! ¡Usted ve, mis bolsas quizás sean empacadas quizás, pero yo lo esperaré fuera hasta que los recursos expiren, esto es una decisión lógica! Aprecio el concierne, sé que soy adorado. Y MIRA: Police Academy Printing Press, A Young Patty, George & Odysseus, Very Derek, EW LILY, After eating: sleeeep, Rather Wet, Lazy, Lazier, Hosier Debt Policy Enclosure, On A Roof, An Answer, Thinkin' About Trains, Sheila Sachs' Cheddar/Tomato Pre-Wallet Loss Pie, Breastfeeding @ 8, MAX WALL: THE WALK. Goodbye, I have to go now. JOAN HILLER: BEST HOUSEGUEST EVER. 08.13.07 INTERNUTZ: Clear off your social engagement calendars STAT, I'm getting married: TO THE SOUTH! There is also: Alyssa's Invoice, Beth Hoeckel's Vault: Sara "hot crush" K, Pizza(z), THE DOULBE PIG: 1 2, TLIOF mural DONE, Lacey Swain's Hot Dog Party Flyer (old), Presidentation Remnant, A Truth, A Jason Polan. If you are bored: PUT THE FISH IN YOUR MOUTH, ponder the A BAY BAY / JORDY war. 07.31.07 Hello! Oh wow, there is nothing to tell you, internet. Do you remember the time that I saved the old lady from dying when I was 9? No, you don't, you weren't there. I am combating sickness with caffeine & screwdrivers & the TLIOF mural. Are you calling from the Verification Center? I am glad that you called! Are you interested in hearing all of my voicemails? You will have to write, there is a page of them, some of them are so long! YOU ARE DEREK ERDMAN ON MYSPACE. Later there was GINZ (man/boy Vietnam Club), and a person. Plus there is an old lady, wirez, SHEILA SACHS GAVE ME NEW GLASSY. I am finally so happy. 07.26.07 I love L.A., short people have no reason to live. I WENT TO SPACECASEVILLE, oh I am so glad to be back in hot dog land. I am going to eat them tonight, hot dogs. Ok, here are pictures: A Professional What?, Edwin & Devonne, Burger Time, Bill Parkinson Tells You How To Get Lost Between Long Beach & The PCH, Hey Funny, Lazing, A Lot Of Beth: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7. THERE IS GOOD FOOD AT THIS PLACE, Hanging With Joan, Some Georges: 1 2 3. A Group Of People VS. Sven Barth, nobody won. Oh well, we'll get them next time. SKL's DWDP WMH FS. Oh, I'm going to be in North Carolina, South Carolina, Virginia & Georgia at the beginning of August. Can I sleep on your floor? Contact here, please. You are nice! 07.17.07 Here is the Pitchfork Festival in one photograph. I think that I am obligated to respond to Jen Graves from The Stranger when she asks, "Kringen, what’d you do to this guy?". My answer is simply, "YES". Here is Alexander Graham Bell, Fred Armisenz, Young Erdman, G-SONZ, Hannah Went To College. Well, well, well, it looks like Lacey Swain has really come into her own. JOIN UP: Manic Depressed Gangster Disciples #1 #2 (you choose). Good mail: Nate Anderson, Shannon Kringen. 36/12 songs: Champagne Supernova, This Kiss. CHUXED: this weekend. Space PUNX, PIF, "The Houseguests". There was a July 4th and Teenagers! I was there, I took all of the Klonopin. There are skellingtons on the horizon (BTTF, LM, SHEEP). It went from bad to worse to worsererer, look, so real!
07.09.07 Lately, I pretty much just feel like Israel Juarbe from Karate Kid. If your memory is hazy, he's the first friend that Daniel meets and promptly disappears after the beach beat-down. That's me, meeting and going. Oh and I bought an iPod, so I'm officialy a gadget-minded cretin. On top of all of that, there's this: A Personal Visit With Oprah, The Best Of Both Worlds, the ladies man, CHUXED (Snorg T-Shirt Girl), another Kelly, proof, Cleveland Space Punx. Wow: Field Guide, somebody's house, GANG KIDZ WASSUP. I'm sincerly sorry that I haven't given anything away in a long time. The first person to send a nice email that mentions this can have one for free. That means totally ON A HOUSE. I hope you feel better, Karin. 07.02.07 These are pretty good: "Allah Akbar! No! Let's Roll!" & altered condo sign. THINGS WITH PEOPLE: "Gary, Indiana With Hannah Woodroofe", "Lincoln Park Zoo With Adriana Durant". THINGS FROM PEOPLE: "Montana Meth Project" from Jamie Drier, "Ooh La La" from Erin McMichael, "Sound Advice" from Jason Polan. ONCOMING: 06.25.07 Erin, I am sorry that you had to sit on the airplane forever. Missing & Mentally Ill: Jamie Drier. Later, OH I HATE TEENAGERS. I am so very happy, I am either sleeping or thinking about Ally Sheedy. This is a good combination, so is also: food made for you. Good lady, castle, "Let's Bowl", a final way out. Today I am going to stay up for a continued 43 hours! If you want to call me on the telephone, I will say things into it. 06.18.07 I went back to Ohio. My city was still there, as were the people. And a Steak 'n Shake on top of an Eat 'N Park next to a Perkins inside of a Ruby Tuesday. Why isn't there a Mr. Hero on every corner? That would be a triumph, no duh. LISTEN, IF YOU DIDN'T CLICK ON THE LINK FOR THE MR. HERO WEBSITE, GO BACK AND DO IT, AND LISTEN TO THE SONG. FILL OUT YOUR DIVORCE PAPERWORK - FOLLOW YOUR DREAM. Tomorrow is the last day of the best of your life. Here are some voices, Sybils: 1 2 3 4, Faye Dunaway. The Worbler has proven himself to be a genius at graphic design, I am dead serious, scroll down. I entered a Pitchfork Festival contest to make a poster that involves Slint, Sonic Youth & GZA. HEY, I WON! WE'RE ALL GOING TO GET PIZZAS FROM VINCENT GALLO. Eww: smelly, teeth. Whoa, Georgie hit the BT. I am so grumpy, sorry I'm talking. Oh cool, the internet: Nirvana Facts. You know, I'm such a liar. I'm also a cheat and a thief. Neat. 06.12.07 Wild Mammals by Derek Erdman. 06.11.07 Oh, the kids. The mostly worthless kids. They have been walking the alley behind my house, sometimes with balloons. They had the balloons and were laughing, it was early in the afternoon. I was so mad and sleeping! I woke up to say, "¡CALLEse a DEMONIOS!" but then I saw them with the balloons while very happy and thought, "oh, cute". They saw me and said: SOMEBODY IS LOOKING! I was elected the alderman of creep-ville. Sometimes they leave stickers and write things on the back of my building ("Tupac Rules", "Eat Shit" etc) so I made them something to write on (1 2 3 4). Oh, I was being too nice, so I made the HOT DOG LICENSE PLATE to prove to myself that I was still cunning. Ok, here are things: early food, late food, some Shannon Kringens: 1 2, monsters, M. Mercedes Stickler & The Irish Airport Meal, bears & poles, misc thingz, tomatoes & lemons, A NICE WEDDING. Bob Mehr is like, "Oh, I will get on MySpace and have more pixel-friends than Derek in a week" I COULD JUST STRANGLE HIM 8,675,309 times. I am trying to get a job with the bloody guts clean up crew, I hope they don't look at this website. I certainly wouldn't take me very seriously. HOLY S: The Wildcats "Delicate Adventures" & video VS Dub Noir, oh my god Ohio. Cole Springer says: Georgie gets support, BUT OTHERWISE, OH SNAP. Dude, Jamie, remember Tommy Stinson? WHOA! I love the people who read my website, I want to have them over for dinner.
06.04.07 Last April 1st I thought it would be funny to say that I was the president of Multy Industries. You see, there REALLY IS a Multy Industries, that name is not made up for comedy. Get this: the REAL President of Multy Industries is named Derek Erdman. But it's not me, it's another Derek Erdman. I AM NOT THE PRESIDENT OF MULTY INDUSTRIES. BUT GET THIS: last week I was waking up at the usual 2pm and the phone rang. I checked the Caller ID and it read MULTY INDUSTRI (if the name is too long it leaves off letters, natch). I could feel that I was about to talk to myself on the phone and I was so excited. I mean, not me, but another me. There is even another Derek Erdman in Nebraska that I called once at 4:30am, but he didn't really want to talk. But back to the conversation with President Multy: Derek
Erdman: Hello? You see that? It just goes to show: OTHER DEREK ERDMANS ARE ABSOLUTELY UNFUN. Oh WOW: Not only was Georgie on ABC-7 News, she also had the lead story in The Reader. She then demanded to be treated like some sort of cultural royalty, THANK GOD THAT WEEK HAS ENDED. Oh, here's some advice! If you're thinking about having a bake sale for financial gain: OH MY GOD, DON'T. Our profits amounted to $3/hour. I will be eating Nick's splendid blueberry muffins for the rest of the week as consolation. OK: bake sale/roof pictures. Later Jamie Drier danced on the roof, I GET SO MAD AT THOSE ERIC AND KATHY BILLBOARDS! This lady sells the drugs on eBay and found Nazi Germany on the Golden Mountain, GOOD LUCK! Flaga's food is for cold hearted snakes, look into it's eyes. I once drew some oranges, but that doesn't come close to Jim Newberry's moving documentary on alternative oddball Kriss Bataille. I love him, in THAT way. The Library Is On Fire: NEW CORNER - band & record OF THE FUCKING YEAR. No doubt. 05.30.07 I have burning mouth condition and geography tongue disease, I am fearing a reaper! L@@K: party aftermath pictures, talking party website blues, GOOD LITTER AND GOOD LITTER VIDEO. Oh, I don't drink enough water! Oh, great! That's it! My tongue is so bumpy, it hurts so much. Later: hamburger murder, art debacle. LYNX: 4 Of July, Omazing, UH OH and the other one is giving a peace sign, over and over and over and over and over again. My tongue is a fat man eating a banana full of pins, there are red marks on it, OK: try drugs, erdman 1 2 3, magik gangs, hot soulz, animated gifs made easy, amy casey, The Real Calypso, prisoners, I AM NOT DRUGGINS. WHAT
A SURPRISE, MORE FOOD: 05.21.07 I did well: "Party Girl", I did OK: "Pregnant With Chicken". Finally: TIME CUBE EXPLAINED. I have been listening to Any Guy by Melanie for exactly 125 minutes and also found it possible to download The Legend Of Billie Jean from Torrentz, which I implore you to do as well, because, well, fair is indeed fair. DRUGZ: Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysilio-gogogoch Station Sign, corresponding MP3 & Some Loose Nutz. Another Erdman, Old King Of Brunswick, two people, GRAGZ 1 & GRAGZ 2, Jamie As Lady, Eating Again: 1 2 3. Hannah Woodroofe caught them floating, then more food. A Rollie Fingers is for sale (set free).
05.18.07 OH! There is no cancer in Patty. This is such wonderful news, I have not slept very well for the last 36 hours because of the worry. She does indeed have some sort of condition that will not allow her to digest, ahem, seeds. So she does not have cancer and she cannot eat seeds. Then Georgie got into Northwestern lawyer factory! You see, everything is so happy, because of The Secret. I also thought positively about: Chicago Reader cover, blood, cheese on a stick, Derek Erdman, Erdman Hall, Nazi Cakes, rarebit head. OH! Cedar Point/Morrissey weekend, Jason Polan's Space Ship, Caitlin Spies found this, she did not write it. Other OK things: Olively, drinking pee, Ivor Cutler, People Mover. Who sent me the pizza pillow? If it was you, thanks a lot. 05.13.07 A collection of goons slept at my house last night, one of them snuck a mustard sandwich in what is called the "wee hours". Otherwise, this HAS NOT been a trying period for me. I am not under distress and I have not been injured. I will think twice about my relationships with others from here on out. Sally Crewe: "Wheat Is Murder", NEAT, Oozy Food. Rolling down the stairs, eating some cheese sticks. Thanks M&M: DUMB LADY ON PRICE IS RIGHT. Oh, Slava. I miss you. 05.10.07 It is decided: I am having a birthday party for my mother on June 15th in Streetsboro, Ohio. If you would like to hang out with Patty, please get in touch, I will detail you. OH GOD: Susan Fraga Cloven Duel, Daley, Daley Flip, Mayor Daley, 666 Meat, PUNKR, PUNKY. Oh, I miss Ohio. I miss Ohio and a stranger. I miss Ohio, a stranger & NIGHT RIDER. Ohio, stranger, rider, Natalie Imbruglia. 05.02.07 Jessie had a shaved head and wore flannel, his image is burned forever into my brain as punky-grunge, though this was 1983 and I was 9 so I didn't know anything about that at the time. Patty and I had moved to Columbia Station, Ohio to live in the damp basement of somebody else's house. Veronica and her three sons: Frankie, Chuckie & Jessie in what was probably a newly broken home. Frankie was the oldest and was a perfect Ohio hesher, rolled cigarette hard pack in his sleeve, rusty Trans-Am, great at making bonfires and hardly ever without a black-rooted blonde with a feathered roach clip in her hair. Chuckie was the youngest and did whatever it took to fit in. But at this moment, Jessie and I were on the side of the house with a coffee can full of gasoline and a large Tonka truck. We wanted to see if we could get metal to melt. I dipped the back of the truck in the gas and walked twenty feet away to where Jessie was with the lighter and set it on the ground. Jessie bent over to light it and as it quickly caught on fire I noticed that the flame seemed to be going over the grass to the coffee can as well. The drips that I had made over the twenty feet were enough to connect each other and we both watched as the coffee can ignited, 3/4 full of gasoline. What happened next is so wonderful: my adolescent brain decided that the coffee can was going to explode! I had to do something, that much fuel was sure to combust like a large bomb and it had to be thwarted immediately. I ran full speed at the coffee can and kicked it as hard as I could covering the side of the garage with burning gasoline. Upon seeing this my next instinct was also the WORST of decisions: RUN AWAY. Jessie calmly got the hose and sprayed the aluminum siding until the burning gas was out. An hour later we repainted that side of the house with some paint from the garage, a few shades off from the regular color. I burned holes into my week old Sprints which Patty had just purchased with her meager earnings from her scrap metal job. Man, Patty might have cancer. I don't even like to think about it and I'll have NO IDEA what to do if it's actually the case. Chicago's Bird Names is going on tour in two days. They're driving a cooking oil converted package truck and playing with Jad Fair in Chicago on May 31st. Please be safe, Nora Brank. There was a time when I was worried that people liked the things that I do too much, or that at least they didn't pay enough attention to care either way. I remember Elisa right after MM toured with Sonic Youth and her being upset about what some alterna-teens had said on a message board, but I was simply jealous of the reaction! Of course she probably pays no attention to this stuff now. I, on the other hand, get SO EXCITED when full time website reviewers talk bad about me. Not happy, but anxious with a slight feeling that these people might be right and that I could be an awful person. But then I remember that I'm close to making a living off of making paintings of telephones and shoes and ducks and that I have wonderful friends and am becoming a responsible adult in a way that I never thought possible. But there is something missing, something that makes me doubt myself. WAIT: MY FATHER ABANDONED ME! OH HE WAS SO MEAN, I COULD JUST STRANGLE HIM! In regards to the Reader article, I thought I knew what I was getting into, but after all of phone calls, I almost felt violated. A World Of Pain, Cafilornia Girls, BALLZ, Get-It, Puffers, SPOTS, NO. Thanks for looking at my internet website, I AM #4 ERDMAN, OK!
04.26.07 ABSOLUTE AFTERMATH: Lethargy Art Walk Wreckage. Where does the time go? Well, for one thing: I HAVE MONO. Oh, it's true! I have been frenching teens at Ohio rest stops, licking things, ETC. I have not frenched any teens: I WROTE IT, Amie Barrodale's Guide To Mangos, Finally: Carrie Ellis, Great SKINS & KIDS, The Hamburger Head, Hannah Woodroofe "Hangs", I did indeed lose THE GREAT CRAIGSLIST Casual Encounter CONTEST, I am: never alone, (have) got it, him. The GREAT Jason Polan returns(d): Little Dog, Two Trees, Snow Cone. 9th Wonder Of The World: Megan & Paul Tempest NANOTUBE. Great (OK) computer wall-paper: Neil & Nora, Terminal Tower. Oscar Space-Race, for JFA, money, co-culottes, OH HE MOVES, MOTHERFUCKER, FOOD EATER! LNX: Sally Crewe Food Tour, I know not this persona, GREAT PRANX, Gregory J, Pete Gere's SAMBA IS LIFE - I AM RUNNING FROM EVANSTON IL, what is it? Hello, high school (high school), GREAT GUNMAN! Everybody's favorite ex-neighbor ON TV, I Swoon 4 A B, OLIVELY IS GOOD, ORG MSK, Erin Hosier's AMY KELLNER, Count eggs, watch water, squish me. Hannah Woodroofe has finally touched the future, do not leave. Tempest/Tempest. 04.16.07 In the plebian words of Pinkie Brown: "Girl, I won't get under you until you get over him". AND HOW! Tomorrow morning I am starting a temporary job that involves driving my car to restaurants in the suburbs to see if they properly tell me their lunch specials. Look, I went to JR HIGH (thanks Dragovich). Turnbuckle Head, Sarie's Bubbles, Joan Hiller made with my left hand, DEAD MEATS, Jim Konya is A MAN(D), USG, "Give me Liberty or give me Beth", I YAM UP, Baby Winner, Amie Barrodale's kosher hot-dog stand (Anne's Franks), GET US KIDZ, On Top, TEEENZ, Actual President: Karin Stone, Mud People, I Ms. Barbara Kakiris, MMOODY, Zinx in my kitchen (Thrasher Magazine). It seems to be one thing to kill your baby, and a whole other thing to allow comments on your MySpace picture page. If you like the art-work on most Parliament/Funkadelic records, then you like Pedro Bell. I used Oprah's favorite book "The Secret" to will Pedro Bell over to my house. He would not accept my offer for a snack: 1 2 3 4. "Jane Curtain" / "Twin Towers X2" (If you know what I mean). I have more things to tell you, but I am too tired now. I can admit, IT INVOLVES THIS GUY. Come
to this, I'm making pancakes: 04.09.07 There are no rumors, but it is TRUE: I have the Consumption. I've spent 90% of the last week in bed watching Contact on repeat and eating Triscuits. I have also spent A LOT of time on the telephone. Keats is so gross to pet, sometimes she shakes her head and gets her eye ooze all over my hand. I wish Tiffany Morris would take her back. A WAR DRAGS EVER ON: I Said You Are A Dragon, Drier+Erdman (NEWBERRY) , Happy Ending, Georgie On The NEWS, Buckeye State, No Education, Everywhere Is Rural, Teenager (1988), A Limited Association (18), My Father Hates Me, A Great Business Opportunity. I MADE SOME FONTS! THEY ARE FREE FOR YOU: Derek Erdman #1, Derek Erdman #2, Mariko Jones. Look for helpful information on the internet: vaginas, Erdman Impact Movie, Erin Hosier VS Lacey Swain. A LINCOLN.
04.01.07 I did indeed sit in a van with 4 fresh men eating pretzels and cookies on my way to drink wine in weird bars: PMFS ABBRV TOUR 2007. Otherwise today was mainly a wash, I cleaned all day and didn't even bother to get dressed. My feet are so cold. NORA BRANK SAID THAT I DID NOT HAVE BAD BREATH, so I have one less thing to worry about. I'll just get to "the stuff" because I don't know what else to say (except that the high score of 685,130 on the Ms. Pac-Man machine on the second floor of the High Noon Saloon in Madison, Wisconsin is absolutely MINE): MIND -TRAILS, Clayton Bus, Great Chicago Groups, Kate & Allie: GET OUT OF MY LIFE, drugs, TRAVEL JOURNAL: 1 2 3, Big Patty, Sadie, Ohio Kitchen Teenagers, Newberry @ Work, Tuesday Weld (bad). If you live in Washington DC and need a phone card, look no further. July
6th: "Derek Erdman's Wonderful Celebs Of Yesteryear" 03.27.07 I am convinced that when I talk to human beings that I have REALLY bad breath, to the point that I start to speak into my shirt or in the opposite direction. I did that tonight at the "party room" above the Chinese restaurant where I saw Bird Names (7) and Strawberry Social (I made this name up) (7) and had a nice time avoiding talking to people. Oh, tomorrow I'm flying on a plane to Washington DC! I will also be in Columbus (28), Indianapolis (29) & Madison (30) with PMFS whose new record Mercy is kind of like As Your Mind Flies By, but a little better. If you come to one of the shows I will buy you a Butterfinger bar, can I have a ride from Madison to Chicago? Thanks. HERE ARE SOME REAL THINGS: D.E. VS. Bataille (Newberry), Benld/Happy, 500 Chic-A-Go-Go Pictures, DEREK ERDMAN! , I don't like to read, but I like to read Forksplit, ON DRUGS I FOUND THIS DEEP, here's what to buy: NEVER FORGET, fake Lineburger, sugar, PEOPLE TO CALL ON THE TELEPHONE, who called you?, I AM NOT ANTI-KEATSIE. I LOVE CHARLES RICKERT AND HIS SAINT LOUIS: we sat in plenty of traffic, George was SO MAD, they sang STARSHIP (and video), when we got to STL I saw dead bodies and medical things (1 2 3 4 5 6 7), looked at a church (1 2 3 4 5), Chuck ate a banana, I saw/was an arch (with twins), WAS MARRIED, licorice factory, LADIES, BEYOND WONDERFUL CITY MUSEUM, YOU HAVE TO GO: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22). I am not doing a good job: He Is Helpin' Her, IOWA/OHIO, Larry Hagman, Kate & Allie (HI), Kanye West, I Am So Happy Now. 03.19.07 OHIO: Great & sad, wonderfully depressing. Without trying to sound too negative I'd venture to say that Cleveland is the most culturally defeated place on the entire earth. Though who am I to talk? I'm 33 and I have a website. I took exactly 60 pictures during my trip, here are 10 of them. UPDATE: Geez, just joshin'! My Dad Is Dead so ruled, I'll post videos when I can figure out how to edit them together. Everybody should move to Cleveland! USA out of my body/Cleveland! Thanks for the mixing bowls mom, I'm going to put them on eBay. Oh, I'll keep them and make snacks instead. WHAT IN THE FLYING F IS THIS? 03.15.07 Great punker "chix" of the 1980s, Giant Tang, Great Pets, Jan Terrible, KKK_SHH, Slipping, What Daring!, Tumor Dog From Melis, Witch Whistle, Losing You. Losing You Again. Bid on these things, maybe. 03.14.07 Stan, George & Derek Go To The Mental Hospital Part II: Back In The Jacket. One Child Family blind left-hand drawing, chem-trails, Colette is a good name for a girl (& Esther), MICHAEL LANDON SMOKED 4 PACKS OF CIGARETTES A DAY, "Dance Television", Dock Ellis, new-frames, Chapel Hill/Greensboro, Kitchen Beards, Lauren Fischer Est Ennui, A Great Italian, "Punx Not Awake", good combination, WTC-WOW, "In McMembrance". Obtuse Recipe #1: Pineapple Upside Down Cake. Perhaps eternity isn't very long after all. 03.07.07 Ok, there is word information with China Pictures & Cookie Recipe. I have decided to quit the internet to concentrate on my new band, we're really good! Please somebody tell me WHO IS THIS MAGICAL PERSON: 1 2 3? Hey, Hannie is in an art show on Friday! GO! Grandmother, I am sorry that you fell, I hope you get better soon. 03.05.07 Oh, I made a great mistake. I went to China & Hong Kong and took a lot of pictures. I had intended to write things to go along with these pictures (& cookies) but I somehow took sleep pills and now my fingers feel like carrots and I want to get into bed and watch AB FAB until I make ZZZZs. In the meantime, here are China pictures without any writing (& cookies), there was a naked lady movie-trailer made in my house, full-moon, giant dog tooth scan, envelope, Georgie's foray into minimal art. My neighbor invented a theatre play called The Sifters and I liked it so much that I MADE HER A PINEAPPLE UPSIDE-DOWN CAKE. Videos: Cookies, Traffic, Very Excited. Sorry that I mentioned cookies so many times. 02.19.07 If you live in Chicago, have you ever seen that store on Clybourn called "I’ve Been To A MARVELOUS Party"? Man, that store name is too much. Everytime I pass it, I say it out loud. Last night I went to a party, but it wasn't very marvelous at all. It was a birthday party and I revealed to the hostess that I often referred to her in my head as a "cooze". Who says that kind of thing, even out loud? And then I said some other awful things. Man, I'm awful! If you know me, you might know that I was in a mediocre indie-rock band a few years back. Every now and again I get requests for the old CDs of that band and I usually don't send them as they're rather embarrassing. Here is 4 CDs worth of later-era (read: indulgent) material from said band. If you could do me a favor and not listen to them, I'd really appreciate it. OH, HERE'S SOME STUFF: skull, Patty, SUP, Megan Tempest as a child & Hannah Woodroofe's "Roombird" (instant classic). If you're anything like me (and you are) then you spend a lot of time searching for JAPANESE PUNKER and REGRESS EURO TOUR videos on YouTube. Later, you and I became friends at Puzzles Lounge. Spend hours playing Bowmaster! Meryl Streep @ 12:05, Bob Mehr's Juggalo Party, RENDA H LOVES SIMPLY EVERYTHING! "When the world is cleaner, you need a vacation." & more. I DID NOT KILL KEATS. I was going to, they talked me out of it. Oh, meat-fight and CELEBRITY JUGGALOS! Everybody wins! OH, GO TO THIS:
02.10.07 How to paint a room in a series of steps: #1 #2. Oil based floor paint is smelly but ultimately can be used as cheap drugs. OH SNAP:
02.08.07 Thanks to PAC, you can now become as obsessed with SONDRA PRILL as I am. I would suggest starting with Nasty Boys and end with the "group" version of The Greatest Love. I am honored: NOWAK on CSTB & WFMU. Get 'em before they're gone: Post Punk Junk. It is too cold outside, I am not leaving the house: "snow pix". Did I already mention the Max Headroom Chicago TV Pirate From 1987? Here's the news footage. 02.06.07 Pictures of people with black eyeballs, Jamie Drier as a good looking Eastern European woman, floating, skull, beware, ZUNE IN. Later there were new paintings, I am tired, but I like you. They are ok. 01.30.07 It's really funny, how things happen. Julia's family and extended family came over early on Saturday for a rather nice dinner of sushi, ribs & Middle Eastern cuisine. I had a hard time thinking what actual mature adults might think about paintings of sexily posed teenagers, so I started drinking HEAVILY. Patty says the boozing runs in our family, so I figured it was the right thing to do. Next thing I know it's 1pm on Sunday and I'm surrounded by a muddy and bloody floor and cans of Bud Light. Memories live on in GREAT PARTY PIX. Oh, you know how I sometimes post recordings of my answering machine messages? Well, I can't imagine that some people like to have the messages that the leave on the internet for everybody to hear. So if you want to hear them from now on, you'll have to email me and I'll send you the link to where they're hidden. You see? How EASY! Here is a picture of breakfast for computer desktop wallpaper, Bob Schilling "Space Alien" in the Charleston bathroom, BRUCE KISSON, "churchy", Fair & Square, GO BEARS. "Heat Her" wrote me a message, it's titled READORCUM (I dunno). Thanks to THOMOS, I'm been making the same painting over and over again for the past two days. But as Sally Crewe says, "Still, beats working down in a mine". YCSTA Sally Crewe! Laura Szumowski vs. Kristin Reger: DEATH BATTLE/WATCH (they are nice people). DANNY'S TONIGHT, YES, DUH:
01.22.07 Last night I received a phone call from Leanne Frank. I pointed out that in French that would mean "The Anne Frank" but then Julia "Miss Pacific" Rickert had to say: "Well, it would actually be L'Anne Frank". OH BROTHER. Hey, if you know Julia, attend her graduation/birthday party this saturday, it will include the first musical performance of the Future Cobras in over three years. Look breakfast: bacon & eggs, eggs on potaotes. Tommy Stinson came over with Summer Mary Schumacher last night, Jamie took his picture, THERE ARE NEW PAINTINGS HERE. 01.18.07 HEY! It's been one banner week over here at the Bender residence. Take last week for instance, STAN WOOD got hit by a car while on his bike and all you get is this picture of the car windshield! Oh, that and the MySpace accounts of the car driver and his girlfriend (she's apparently part of a "thirsty crew"!) . While in stir (oops, that means jail), Stan started a D&D site. There are also pictures: Georgie Tape & Beer, CATS ALIVE N' KICKING, Elisa & Hannah "mind chat", paintings in a mansion (thx clayts), coat/skates. Good pranking MP3: iMOP/iHOP, also not pranx: male/female-air/sea brain battle, tuss-talking (with Georgie faux-slam-poetry intro). I don't cry often, but when I do it's because I'm listening to "Te Recuerdo Amanda" by Victor Jara. OH, messages. UPDATE: HOLY S: Derek Erdman's $17 computer. GREAT THINGS TO DO WITH YOUR TIME:
01.16.07 9 1 13 8 1 22 9 14 7 1 12 15 20 15 20 18 15 21 2 12 5. 01.08.07 Typical OBLIG answering machine messages 1/2-1/8. Good party photos courtesy Alexis Ortiz: Everybody Loves Hot Dogs, Who Is This Dude(?). Jen Messer took THIS, NOTE: Here is evidence of an old Kill City Babies tape, "I can't imagine why anybody would sit through 30 minutes of this". I took (stole) this picture of Jill Storthz. While we're at it: Claudine Tyna, Derek Erdman & Brandon Wagner, Derek Erdman As Skateboarder, Derek Erdman As COP (thanks Ms. Mia). Eons ago I dated Elisa Ambrogio. One night we made a CD, WATCH ME RIDE ON NOISE ROCK COAT-TAILS. For all of my friends who often wonder, she is doing very well, we are friends now. Jason Polan demanded: the best things that I have made in ages. Rollie Fingers, Thrashers on the INTERNET, pranking Taco Bell, dead pigeon, SARA LINEBERGER IS GREAT!
01.02.07 Oh, there was so much running around. I got some kegs of beer and then some people came over on Friday and drank them. I visited the robot and Jamie made the house elevator work and I got to ride in it, he pulled the ropes and got all sweaty. Everybody else went home and then Sharon came over and we talked and then Jamie and I went to the 24-hour post office and everybody was very nice there. I saw a movie with Nora, painted some sheets and then went to 100 stores with Georgie to get things. I got hot dogs, pretzels, name tags, balloons, wine and whistles. A bunch of people came over and we all had a very nice time. I gave people change and the door and shook hands. Some girl tried to get me to dance with her, but I didn't. We lit off a bunch of fireworks at 8am and then most everybody left. Jeff and Geoff & Melanie & Hannah & Nick slept over and then we woke up and cleaned and then ate food. Hannah and I watched the Muppet Movie and took a nap, then we woke up and cleaned more. Oh, all of this is very boring and I think I'm getting sick, life a cold. You can just look at these pictures. Here are my answering machine messages from the last 10 days, here's a website of people on Death Row. Thanks to everybody that came to my New Year's Eve party, I had a really, really, really good time. Next year, have a Holly Jolly Christmas, I mean, if you can. 12.28.2006 I went to Ohio, and then I came back. Things via Carolyn Getson: Please Bring Back Krista's Little Red Jeep, Lost Cat Fading Away. Anti-phone post-it, oh, you find yourself liking "the arts"? YES YOU DO. An open letter to Patty Preston-Erdman: Oh, mum. That was the nicest Christmas ever. You did such a great job with the tree and the cookies and all of the great gifts that you gave to me. I very much liked hanging out with you and the dog and watching TV and eating ham and snacks. I think that when you come to visit, we will have a very nice time, so come soon, ok? I am wearing great new socks now and eating food spiced with the spices that you gave to me. I'm not really eating anything, but I'm going to eventually, because I have to live. Oh, and thanks a lot for all of the booze. I'm not sure if you meant that I could have it, but I took it anyway. I'm not going to let some party goon drink Grey Goose, I'm going to use it to work on my cirrhosis. You are the best beyond best and if you ever need anybody to talk to at any time I am the person you should call, because I love you. Everybody thinks that you are great. If I have to take care of you later in life you'll find that I can be kind of grumpy on a day-to-day basis, so I apologize in advance. HOPEFULLY REALLY FAR IN ADVANCE. An open letter to Sara Lineberger: I have a confession. I did indeed sit in a car outside of your house on Christmas Day 2006. You see, I was taking my grandmother home who lives rather close to the house that you used to live in. I don't even really know if your family still lives there, or if you were even there at the time. I was actually confused as to which house was yours. I remember throwing eggs at it with Dave Esker and there was a stain on the roof for a long time. Also, I was the one who stole the Swatch phone. I did all of this because I liked you a lot. Except maybe stealing the phone, I just really wanted a Swatch phone. It never really worked very well if it's any consolation.
12.22.06 George had her first law school interview today. Noting her record store experience, the interviewer asked George what song would be the "soundtrack" to her life (!). After 45 long seconds of silence while contemplating the Super Mario Brothers Theme Song, Mother by Danzig, and a few others, George said "Probably Kandy Korn by Captain Beefheart, there are a lot of parts and it covers a wide range of emotions". THEY MADE HER A SUPREME COURT JUSTICE ON THE SPOT. I found out this week that my cousin has a fondness for disco, so I made him the JAMES HAVRAN HOT DISCO MIX. You can listen to it too, I guess. Other things you can do: give them it, look at what "seems fair". See also: Rickert does Erdman, Life In 2011, Thomos & Sign. Jason Polan sent a picture of Meredith On The Counter, Lacey Swain and I talkin' Haiku, so important to me. HANNAH WOODROOFE BRINGS PURE JOY, JOY IS #1! HAPPY WONDERFUL HOLIDAY SEASON EVERYBODY IS GREAT. Like life like Mike & Ike, everybody so happy now, hug people please. I really did miss you. "Patty gave birth to a 10 pound baby boy". 12.20.06 By request of Bob Mehr: answering machine messages 12/12-12/19. YOU CAN DIG IT. I will be in Ohio for an extended period, if you want to "cold groove", let me know. Update: Numbers/Nell Carters. 12.18.06 The best holiday song is RIGHT HERE, simply because of the way the child says "HEY" at the beginning. My weekend was boom, drums & tough love, later I amended my constitution, James Havran had a heavy time with Sharkula. I am getting over it, OK! If you call yourself a "head" then you'll really love this, but you should probably stop calling yourself a "head" because that's just dorky. Just in time for travel season: TIFFANY MORRIS' GUIDE TO HAMILTON, ONTARIO. 12.14.06
I went to a hip bar tonight and hung out JH: So,
what do you do? PEOPLE: OH BROTHER. Dude, Dead Moon broke up? 12.13.06 This just in from Bob Peck. Oh, if you're wondering, DO NOT BUY A SAMSUNG COLOR LASER PRINTER MODEL CLP-510. Nothing but trouble. Visit the other 5 parts of Entry Archive here. (it's really, really, really long. You'd be a fool to miss it.) |
